Love is the thing that most (all) people want more than anything in the world. To love and be loved. To feel in every essence of their being that they are worthy of love. And yet, it is the thing that we are most scared of, the thing that we are pushing away without realizing it. It happens the same way with nearly everyone.
You meet someone. You fall madly in love and can’t imagine spending a moment apart. And then…
All of a sudden, the things you loved most about them are really pissing you off. The humor you once loved, now makes you want to say “grow up”. The strength you were so attracted to, now makes you think they are cold and distant. Their excitement suddenly becomes exhausting.
Why is this?
It’s because we have very special lessons to learn from these people. Lessons we can only learn in relationship with another. Who they are, is literally touching on your emotional wounds.
And here’s another news flash….It actually has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you! You have actually been living with these wounds for most of your life…and maybe it took a romance to shine the floodlight onto them. Now it hurts, and you most definitely want to run away, back to the comfort of your old ways…only to find yourself in a very similar situation in your next relationship! Surprise, surprise. These wounds are your own, and they are screaming to be healed by you!
You can run as much as you like, but they will always be there. No matter who you are in relationship, they will rear their ugly heads. This is why you must do the work….for you! So that you can open to the unlimited joy and happiness that is waiting for you! So that you can stop running away every time shit starts to get real in a relationship.
And it won’t be easy!! Of course it won’t! Growing hurts! But you are so capable of doing this. Of changing your outlook on love, and in doing so, changing your outlook on life in general.
Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way….
1. Be honest with your partner. If you can come from a vulnerable place, rather than a place of defense, they will be able to hear you much easier!
2. Be patient. Not everyone is at the same stage of growth as you.
3. Create clear boundaries. Figure out where you end, and your partner begins. I’ve made the mistake of being over the line numerous times, and it leaves no room for the other person to be in the relationship. Never expect someone else to complete you.
4. Accept the fact that every upset is about something in your past, and has nothing to do with the person in front of you today. The past needs to be healed in order to move forward.
5. Embrace love and ask for what you want. It will be given to you in time.