Here are 5 things to get you started on the road to recovery and self-healing:
1. Go No Contact
I cannot stress how important this is. The very first thing you need to do immediately the moment after you break is go no contact.
What’s no contact?
No Contact rule is the #1 rule for a breakup where you do not communicate with your ex. You don’t call, text, DM or message them in any way for a certain period of time.
No contact includes:
- No telephone calls
- No texts
- No emails
- No social media stalking
- No instant messages
- No “accidental” meetings
- No contacting their friends/family
So block them. Unfollow them. Mute their notifications. Without any shame. Throw away your phone if you have to. But cut all contact. Right after the breakup neither you nor your partner are your best selves and you will say things that will make it worse than it needs to be.
From what I have experienced personally and what can be safely assumed, most of the times when we breakup there are a lot of arguments and fighting that precedes, leads to and follows a breakup. This war of words results in a lot of negativity which can often consume us and we eventually seek that negative energy as that is the only thing that keeps us connected to our ex. So even after the relationship is over, we crave for the negative energy which is not good for you, your ex or your relationship, IF there’s ever any hope of getting back.
When you cut all communication with your partner you cut off that negative cord. This gives you the time and space to think, reflect and heal yourself. It allows you to detach yourself and focus on your path to healing.
2. Give yourself permission to grieve
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
It’s okay to cry your eyes out. It’s okay to scream, shout, yell and sob. Let your emotions out. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable whether you’re a man or a woman. You just lost someone you loved deeply. Someone you had planned a future with. And all those dreams might never come true now. Let yourself feel all the complex and confusing emotions that you’re feeling right now. Feel these emotions without judgment but do not hold on to these feelings. Let them pass naturally at a pace that you are comfortable with. Do not fall into depression either force yourself to get over it as soon as possible. Give yourself time to mourn. There’s nothing wrong with it.
This is a crucial part of the healing process and if you skip through this, these negative emotions and thoughts will stay & fester within you for years. Respect your feelings, even if they are negative, and eventually it will get easier and pass. So let your emotions run wild, observe what you feel and allow yourself to heal.
3. Find closure
“Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.” – unknown
Finding closure after a breakup with your girlfriend or boyfriend is crucial for your inner healing and moving on. However, if you are looking towards your ex to get closure, then you’re making a big mistake. Understand this. They are as hurt, angry and emotionally wrecked as you are. And they are looking for that same closure from you. But sadly, none of you will hand it out to each other. The fact is, your ex cannot give you closure as nothing they do or say will make you feel better about this breakup. You have to create your own closure and that will start with focusing on yourself and your feelings.