Suppose, your partner has insulted you before she left you, instead of focusing on the content of the incident, focus on what emotion is triggered in you.
If she said, “you are a worthless person, incapable of keeping me happy.” Do not focus on this content, rather, label it as “criticism” and focus on how it made you feel.
Did it make you feel small? If yes, then why?
These procedures will help you introspect your deepest conflicts, fear, and insecurities which will lead to a permanent solution.
3. Remember to practice gratitude.
Over the years we all acquire knowledge about the self and the world around us. This is how we form cognitive schemas about a number of things around us.
When one repeatedly experiences lows in life, one forms a core belief about one’s own self, like, “I am not lucky enough.” “I am meant to be in pain.” “My fate is to suffer.”
These are self-limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves, and as it comes with experience, it’s often hard to modify them. It might be difficult to modify, but it’s not impossible.
Whenever we focus on our negative thoughts, we tend to generalize it to all aspects of our life.
Now, these negative thoughts do not define your entire life. Think.
Aren’t there any positive experience in your life? Do you not feel lucky for everything that you have.
Always remember when you feel broken, the things that you have, someone else might be praying for. So feel gratitude for them. Value those little things in life that has a bigger impact. A lost job, a separated partner is easy to replace, but a moment spent with your aging parents, fun with your siblings, a moment of happiness spread to people who need it is irreplaceable and invaluable. Feel grateful for all the little moments in your life so far, that brought you happiness.
4. Remember to inculcate positive self-talk.
When every drop of our blood is draining from our heart, like it’s shattering to pieces, we often give in to negative self-talk. These negative self-talks seem to align with our low mood at that point in time.
We start to listen to the voice inside us, sabotaging every drop of self-confidence that we have. At this very moment, you have to take control and start to consciously mold the negative self-talk into self-upgrading, self-promoting positive self-talks.
Change negative self-talk like “I am a miserable being.” “I cannot help myself out of this situation.” “I am worthless and deserve to be punished.” to positive self-talk like “I am going through a hard time but I can get over this as I did before.”
“I have the strength and capacity to move out of this mess.” “I will somehow help myself out of this situation.”
5. Remember that life is uncertain.
Life is a mystery. For you for me and for everyone else. We forget how unpredictable it is. Also not remembering a very crucial fact about it, that it is short and about to get over anytime, without notice!
So what does this tell you about life?
That life is now and here. Even one second wasted in reflecting on negative experiences is not worth its price.
If you are going through a hard time now, you never know if beautiful days are on its way or not. Hold on. Keep grinding. Happy days come as a surprise.
Every single day is a good day no matter how bright or dark it is, because it always brings an opportunity to start a positive beginning in your life.― Edmond Mbiaka
6. Remember to ask for help.
Your pain can acquire a magnanimous shape and cope with it alone can get difficult. Do not feel embarrassed to ask for help even if in the beginning sharing your vulnerabilities seem too overpowering.
Know that people around you, who you can trust will never take advantage out of your low times. They are here to help, to listen, to understand and to empathize.