Things Narcissists Do

1. THEY REFUSE RESPONSIBILITY.

It’s not their fault. Not EVER. It’s always your fault. His fault. Her fault. To a narcissist, it’s not their fault they hurt you, it’s your fault for being hurt-able. If your feelings are hurt, it’s not their fault; it’s your fault – for having feelings. (You may be told that you’re “choosing” to feel bad about the hurtful things they’ve done, and that it’s the wrong “choice”.) If caught doing something insensitive or selfish, they will tell you they “had to” do it because of someone or something else. If you imply that anything is their responsibility, they give you excuses and lies, and often, if those fail to work, they will finally make it clear that the bottom line is they simply don’t care because they don’t have to, and the fact that you care is just unnecessary or wrong. From their perspective, you shouldn’t care — you should get it right like they do, and be more like they are. Uncaring.

2. THEY LIE.

Narcissists lie to make themselves look good. They lie to get out of emotional responsibility. They lie to manipulate. They lie to gain influence. They lie out of habit. Life is a game to narcissists – a game they have to think they’re winning – and truth is one casualty in their game plan. The only time a narcissist has any interest in telling the truth is when it will serve them or cost them nothing to do so. The rest of the time, they don’t consider it necessary or important to be all that honest. Honesty can impede their self-gratification and compromise their powerful persona, and they don’t like that. To narcissists the truth is frequently “flexible” and optional. There’s no such thing as an honest narcissist.

3. THEY LOOK DOWN ON YOU.

Narcissists have to make themselves feel bigger by convincing themselves others are smaller by comparison. They’re no strangers to being condescending, snobby, clique-ish, elitist and superior; however, they may be very good at hiding their disdain to prevent a loss of popularity, which narcissists know brings them power. Narcissists with money look down on the working class. Narcissists in the working class look down on those with more money. Educated narcissists dismiss the opinions of those who have no degree. Narcissists with no degree claim educated people don’t actually know anything. Whatever narcissists HAVE (or think they have) is what they use to look down on others WITH. No-one else’s background, appearance, values, political persuasion, school, preferences, religion, way of life, profession or opinions are ever any good or worthy of their respect unless they themselves value and/or possess the same. If you think or choose differently from a narcissist, you’re “wrong”, and they’re “right”.

4. THEY’RE TWO-FACED.

Narcissists literally have two faces — their real face and their stage face. And neither is anything like the other. Which one you see will depend on how long you’ve known them. Narcissists can be very charming and know how to gain favor. Anyone who doesn’t know a narcissist well will tell you the narcissist is one of the greatest people they’ve ever met! They believe this is one of the most intelligent, kindest, most interesting, funny, agreeable, most attractive, talented or accomplished people ever. They may wish they themselves had it so “together” or were so popular. However, anyone who knows that same narcissist better (family members, longtime coworkers, etc) will tell you the narcissist is one of the most horribly frustrating and toxic people they know, and the mere mention of their name makes them feel uneasy, angry, frustrated or otherwise unhappy. Being the only one who is experiencing a narcissist’s real face, while all other family members or coworkers can still only see the narcissist’s stage face is a very lonely, painful and frustrating place to be. Thankfully, the number of people who can see through the facade tends to increase with time.

1
2
3
SHARE

ANA was developed out of sheer desperation of the human spirit clinging to it’s last bit of hope.Lost and confused after ending a long term relationship that at one point had felt like the greatest “love” of my life, I struggled to find answers and put a finger on just WHAT IT WAS that had gone so terribly wrong.So desperate was my need for answers, I sat on my therapists couch, tears streaming down my face, begging him to tell me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE?”His answer surprised me; and forever changed the way I view this world.“You were in a domestically abusive relationship.”“WHAT?????” I asked in utter shock. “But he didn’t “hit” me?”He answered with, “Not with his fists. You are dealing with a narcissist. You have just ended an abusive relationship with a NARCISSIST.”My mind whirled – when I heard my therapist name what it was – I began to be flooded with many examples from the narcissist’s behavior that fit what the therapist was telling me.The narcissist lured me into a toxic affair with charm, mind games, promises & flattery – sold me on a soul mate love that he’d never felt before and then proceeded to take every good thing he could from me; my love, my innocence, my trust, my sense of justice, my kindness, my empathy, my unconditional love, and my good name – and replaced it with abuse. Lies about me (he told others I was stalking him), got me fired from jobs, created a fake website about me claiming that I was crazy, delusional, a drug addict, and even talked poorly about my children, who he was a father figure to for years.The therapist ran over the list of symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:Lack of empathy? Check!Boasting about his image? Check!Perfectionism? Check!Lack of boundaries? Check!Expects special treatment? Check!Obsessive Compulsive and sexually perverted? Check!Pathological lying? Multiple serial affairs and cheating? Check!Guilt tripping? Check!Passive aggressive? Check!Possessive, Jealous, downright mean? Check!Controlling. Wouldnt ‘allow’ me to have feelings or express them? Check!Loved by everyone on the outside – but HATED by those who know the real them? Check!I was dating the poster boy for narcissismFor the first time in many years….I finally felt that IT WASNT ME, like the narcissist had blamed me for over & over. It explained why I’d never been able to do anything right to ‘earn’ his “love”.From that day on, I promised God that if he brought me through the darkness, that I would pay forward the knowledge of everything I learned through my lesson, about the narcissist, their red flags, their abuse, my upbringing with a narcissistic parent, my own vulnerabilities and how to never allow myself to be exploited again by another narcissistic individual; be it a boss, boyfriend, family member or friend.My philosophy is very simple: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER – I am making available all the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of this experience with a narcissistic abuser in an effort to help empower you and let you know that you are not alone in your suffering.There truly is Light, Life, Love & Laughter after narcissistic abuse, It is my hope for you, that you truly come to know this for yourself.xo,ANA