Skip to content

The Victim Identity: Signs and How To Recover

victim identity signs

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”  — Buddha

2. Don’t believe everything you think.

Sometimes thoughts can feel like they are ‘the truth’ or ‘reality, when in fact they may be no more than ideas, beliefs, or imaginings. Don’t assume that what you think or believe is always necessarily true. Learn to question authority, even your own.

This is not to say that your thoughts are necessarily wrong or incorrect, but rather that despite how true they seem they may not be completely accurate. Questioning ourselves at this level may feel uncomfortable or threatening to beliefs we hold about who we are, but doing so ultimately enables us to live in a world that is less likely to be based on illusions or unquestioned assumptions.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” —​ Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Read The 7 Point Checklist A Narcissist Will Refer To When Looking For A Victim

3. Make an effort to strengthen the good qualities,

That promotes healthy, responsible relationships including courage, honesty, vulnerability, trustworthiness, compassion, integrity, patience, intentionality, and kindness.

”Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” —​ Golda Meir 

4. Seek out opportunities to engage in practices that will support the development of these qualities and continually remind yourself of the benefits,

that you will experience in your life as a result of finding the commitment and self-discipline that will enable you to break free from the grip of a false identity. Envision the experience of how life will be as you experience the growing sense of empowerment, self-acceptance, and deep interpersonal connection that inevitably comes with freedom from the possession of the victim.

It can’t be overemphasized that people do get victimized. All of us have had experiences in life in which we were, through no fault of our own been mistreated, physically and/or emotionally wounded, and treated unfairly by others. The point that we are making here has to do with the distinction between having had an experience of being victimized and embracing the identity of the victim.

“You have power over your mind —​ not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”  —  Marcus Aurelius

When we no longer see ourselves as a victim, the world and other people open up to us in a whole new way. Interpersonal conflict diminishes greatly because we no longer see the ‘other’ as an adversary and instead as a messenger sent to me to help me to recognize what fears and attachments.

It is time for me to grow beyond and what I need to do in order to make that happen. It’s not necessarily the easiest path or the path of least resistance, but it’s most certainly the path with the greatest payoff!

Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom
Originally appeared in Psychology today

There is nothing wrong or shameful about feeling scared of certain things; you are human after all. However, do you want to live your entire life with people always looking at you with pity and sympathy?

That is the thing about feeling victimized all the time– people start feeling bad for you, and they start believing that you are not capable of any kind of strength. Be strong, and don’t let your mind play games on you. You are perfectly capable of being a strong and healthy person, so go and make the most of your life.

If you want to know more about feeling victimized all the time, check out this video:


The Victim Identity: 4 Ways To Recover
The Victim Identity: 4 Ways To Recover
The Victim Identity: 4 Ways To Recover
The Victim Identity: 4 Ways To Recover
victim identity signs pin
The Victim Identity: Signs and How To Recover
Pages: 1 2 3

Linda and Charlie Bloom

Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, MSW have been trained as psychotherapists and relationship counselors and have worked with individuals, couples, groups, and organizations since 1975. They have lectured and taught at universities and learning institutes throughout the USA, including the Esalen Institute, the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, 1440 Multiversity, and many others.  They have taught seminars in many countries throughout the world. They have co-authored four books, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth From Real Couples About Lasting Love, Happily Ever After And 39 Other Myths About Love, and That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places. They have been married since 1972 and are the parents of two adult children and three grandsons. Linda and Charlie live in Santa Cruz, California. Their website is www.bloomwork.comView Author posts