The Ugly Side of Healing

ugly side of healing

4. Addiction Withdrawal

As many try to get over their toxic ex they find themselves experiencing addictive-type withdrawal symptoms. Like a drug addict wishes they didn’t have a dependence on the substance and know its not good for them, so too does a victim of abuse, cognitively know they are better off without their ex, yet like the drug addict, there are many systems,  both physiologically and psychologically that keep them fixated on their old relationship.

One will become obsessed with thoughts of what he or she is doing, who are they doing it with, do they want me back, are they thinking of me? They stalk their social media accounts, play detective, and do everything they can to put the pieces together of their day-to-day activities. They drive themselves crazy with the belief that their ex is happily dating someone else and has forgotten all about them.

These thoughts are so painful and so powerful that they trigger those base core fears of not being good enough, not being worthy of love, and a fear of abandonment. They can drive you so out of control that you find yourself doing drive-bys, playing detective, and looking for any reason to justify breaking no contact.

5. Loneliness

You feel like you can’t move forward, and you can’t go back. Your ex is not an option, yet you can’t date anyone else because a) You’re not ready and b) You believe that you’re still in love with them.

You haven’t gotten to the place where you can meet your own needs, you’re not comfortable being alone and you‘re still seeking external validation, so you miss having someone there. The thinking is that just having someone to care about them or at least pretend to care, is better than being alone, regardless of how damaging the relationship may be.

Related: 11 Simple Ways To Feel Less Lonely In Life

6. Feelings of Pain and Fear

I remember walking around my neighborhood, I forced myself to go out and be around people, but everywhere I went I traveled with this ginormous ache in my chest. I was so heartbroken. Pain and fear were my only companions. I hadn’t felt good in so long I’d forgotten what it felt like.

I saw people laughing and having fun and I envied them so much. I wanted people around me. I wanted to be loved and cared for, but I had to battle through this feeling.

7. Depression

I can recall moments early on in my healing where I just wanted to stay in bed and hide under the covers. I remember lying there and just staring at nothing. Everything felt so hopeless. I’m happy-go-lucky by nature and being in this space was so uncomfortable.

I had to battle my way through this feeling. Though it really helped spur me into action because being there, in such pain, was worse than the thought of changing.

The road to healing isn’t smooth, it’s full of bumps, curves and seemingly, never-ending twists and turns. It takes someone with a monumental amount of strength to do the work and battle these heavy emotions. You won’t be the same person going out, that you were going in. Throughout this journey, you learn a lot about yourself, who you are, what got you here, and where you need to go next.

Related: 5 Ways To Help Someone Who Is Dealing With Depression

One of the greatest gifts I received along the way, was inner peace. It’s sacred and I am constantly reminded of the price I had to pay to acquire it. I protect it and I don’t allow anyone or anything to take it from me. I can tell you, in all honesty, I wouldn’t trade any of it for 1000 lifetimes with my ex.

I solved the riddle of my life, I healed my childhood wounds and I found self-love. These things are worth the fight – I gave up a toxic relationship, dependence, pain, fear, and self-loathing for calm, peace, joy, happiness, and autonomy. I’d say that’s a win.

Written by Savannah Grey
Originally appeared on
The Ugly Side of Healing
The Ugly Side of Healing
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