The reason why he laughs so loud

One morning, 
I decided to ask him the reason
why he laughs so loud. 
“Simply because I can’t stop 
myself from laughing too loud!”
he said, jokingly. 
I disagreed, hesitatingly.
Then I told him…
I told him that he fears 
the closure of that sound.
“I don’t understand.”, he said. 
He knew exactly what it meant. 
I smiled softly, in an attempt
to comfort him.
Realising that these questions 
are too direct for him.
Then I asked him…
I asked him, why does he try
to ignore the chaos. 
“There is no chaos.”, he said, confidently. 
Then he smiled, in an attempt to
comfort me. 
I didn’t need any comfort. 
I had my questions waiting 
for their answers. 
Then I asked him… 
I asked him, is it not an escape 
within the loud? 
“An escape?” he questioned, wondering  the depth of these questions. 
“An escape from the pain that is there. 
Unknown, unwanted, but is still there. 
I know you hear it when this
sound of your laughter ceases.
It catches hold on you but
you don’t want to feel it. 
So you try to escape from this sadness. 
and this sadness falls in love 
with you even more. 
Then each time you find
yourself in silence,
you hear screams expressing 
such love to you even more.
I know you don’t like it. 
But I never heard it from you. 
Why do you hide this? 
Can’t you see I’m here for you?
Please don’t question what 
made me think this way. 
I know I overthink, 
but this is not the thing, I say. 
Because I’ve seen it in your eyes
when we go to sleep.
And I’ve felt my hands on your wet pillow,
at 3am in the mornings.”
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