When a guy is ready to settle down and sees you as a good potential partner, he wants to make it work. He wants to overcome the differences, to get to a place of better understanding. When a guy isn’t serious, or if he just doesn’t like you enough, then he’ll find any excuse to leave. The ones that are worth it are the ones who find reasons to stay.
My husband and I are so different. The way we think and feel is different, the way we communicate is different. At the beginning of our relationship, this definitely caused problems but now, after really committing to working on it, we have hit this amazing place of understanding and we are so much more in sync.
The differences still exist but we were able to come to a place where we can meet in the middle. Even when things got difficult, I wasn’t any less sure he was the guy for me because of how deeply committed he was to make it work. That is why this commitment is the only quality that matters in a man.
At the beginning of our relationship, consumed with the fear that this one would end in the same way so many had before, I expressed my fear that he would just decide it was too much and would leave. And he said, “Look, if it ends, it will be because we both tried our hardest and did all we could and it just couldn’t work. I don’t think that will happen, but that is the only way this wouldn’t work out.”
His words were reassuring, I had never experienced a commitment like that before, but of course, I had to deal with my fears and insecurities internally, but that’s a separate topic for another time!
A big mistake I see women making is blaming themselves when a relationship falls apart. They torture themselves with could haves and should-haves.
I should have been less needy, I should have been more agreeable, I could have been more supportive, etc. Yeah, you could have done all that but it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t committed to making it work.
There will always be differences, there will always be problems, you will not always behave exactly how he wants a partner to behave (same for him).
A relationship isn’t about finding the perfect match, it’s about finding someone with who you can form a meaningful, lasting partnership. Notice the word form. It’s an active process, it doesn’t just exist. It’s about working together, being a team, and working together to overcome the challenges.
Some people have deal-breakers and that’s that. Maybe it’s religion or where to live or lifestyle preferences. But all the other stuff- personality quirks, your nature, your ways of interacting in a social setting, your fundamental traits… either he’s in it or he’s not. And if he’s not, then there is nothing you can do.
Written by: Sabrina Alexis Originally appeared on: Thought Catalog Republished with permission.