People don’t destroy what they love. I know it hurts to acknowledge that. It isn’t easy to accept.
It also doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, or with him for that matter. It just means that you are not right for each other. No matter how right it felt, if there’s no love, there’s nothing to fight for. Move on and find someone who does love you or get yourself a puppy. Trust me, a puppy will love you more than any man could ever try to.
The problem is that we confuse love with passion.
And believe me, I get it. I have never felt the way I felt with Dick with anyone else. The way he always kissed me like he was hungry for it, like it was the last time we were ever going to see each other. The way he rested his forehead on mine in between kisses. The way he couldn’t keep his hands off me. The way he said my name in bed.
He made me feel special — like I was the only girl in the world for him. Like he needed me with every fiber of his being.
That’s why I became so wickedly obsessed. I was confusing his sense of passion with feelings of love.
I thought it was just for me, that his feelings for me brought that out in him. The truth is, he probably kisses every girl like that. It’s just who he is. He’s a passionate kisser. He is a passionate guy. Unfortunately, that passion just never sparked any love that burned for me the way I wanted. That is a reality I now understand and this clarity has helped me move on from the entire mess.
Many of us have this romantic notion that we are supposed to have this crazy, magnetic attraction for the person who we are meant to be with. That love without passion is not real love, it’s not a “soul connection.”
The fact is, real love may be boring at times, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
Don’t spend your time trying to mend a broken relationship with an ex who cared so little about you that they left you crying and broken. Don’t suffer a fool just because you fear you will never find that connection again.
Instead, spend your time accepting that you might not and that if you don’t, that’s ok. You will be just fine without it. You can be happy without that. I promise.
But you absolutely will never be happy if you’re being consumed by “what might have been” and worrying about what you could have done differently.
The answer is simple. You could not have done anything differently and it would have never been. Because he did not love you.
I cannot say that enough.
If he loved you, he would still be with you. He would not have walked away.
I’m sharing this in the hope it will prevent someone else from becoming the crazy ex-girlfriend and putting herself through months or even years of psychological torment. I hope you will do better for yourself. If he breaks up with you, accept the finality. If he texts you and wants to see you, do not respond to his texts. Do not engage him.
And for the love of all that is holy, do not text him, do not go to his apartment, do not look him up on Facebook, and do not, under any circumstances, cyber stalk him and/or the new girl he’s dating.
Find another way or another person to fill your time with.
You will thank me (and yourself) for it later.
Written by Carrie Budd
Originally appeared on Yourtango
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