3. Boredom and irritation.
Suddenly, for no explainable reason, your narcissist starts acting bored, distracted or vaguely annoyed. If you try to ask them about it, they will deny it, insist nothing is wrong, or act annoyed that you asked.
4. Badmouthing others.
At around the same time you start to notice their boredom and irritation, you will notice your narcissist seems easily annoyed in general and starts badmouthing other people–his (or her) boss or employees, family members, other drivers on the road, but they save the worst badmouthing for their ex-lovers or spouses, who were ALWAYS at fault for whatever went wrong.
5. Decrease or changes in sexual desire.
If your lover is a cerebral narc, they suddenly stop wanting to have sex with you and may resort to pornography or masturbation instead. If a somatic, the sex may become less personal and romantic and more “kinky”–for example, they may say they want to try new things in bed to “spice things up” but being more romantic or tender isn’t one of them. They will no longer look at you when you make love.
This formerly generous person who showered you with gifts of candy, roses, and clothing suddenly stops buying you gifts or telling you they cost too much or starts to complain about how much you are costing them in general.
7. Emotional/verbal abuse.
The verbal and emotional abuse starts. We all know the many forms that can take since this whole blog is about that.
Some narcissists will, at this point, Devalue and Discard. This simply means they no longer need you as a source of narcissistic supply (they may have found a replacement) so they completely devalue and leave you. If they don’t leave, their abuse will keep growing worse. But whether they leave or not, they are still devaluing you.
8. Physical abuse.
Eventually, some malignant narcissists may begin the physical abuse, and again this can start with something as innocuous as a “push” or a single slap. If this happens, expect the abuse to increase in intensity if you stay in the relationship. Even if your narcissist never touches you physically, the emotional abuse will continue to increase until your self-esteem is destroyed. In some ways, it can be even worse, because there are no telltale bruises or scars, and your narcissist can easily tell others who could be of help to you that you are crazy or making it all up.
What if you decide to call their bluff and leave?
If you decide to call their bluff and leave, there are four ways a narcissist will react:
1. They will try to “hoover” you back in through love bombing similar to what they showed when you first met, make fake but sincere-sounding apologies and promises to change. Don’t fall for it.
2. They will act like splitting up was their idea all along because you were “too needy,” “too crazy,” “too high maintenance,” etc.
3. They will act like nothing happened and even have the chutzpah to keep calling you or texting you and act as if they’re your best friend. They may tell you all about their new lovers or dates as if there was never anything between you at all. You can be sure that behind your back, they are trashing you to their new conquests–the same way they talked trash about their ex-lovers to you.