How To Make A Relationship Last: The Love Tank Theory

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As a retired stage-5 clinger, I realize that I struggled with expressing what I needed to be happy in the relationship and had trouble receiving affection, appreciation, or admiration without feeling I had “earned it.” This style of loving actually blocks intimacy because our partner never gets to know what we need to be happy, nor do we allow ourselves to truly receive affection and love for just being who we are.

Furthermore, we stay in an unfulfilling relationship hoping our partner will “change,” while our side of the tank continues to drain until we are depressed, feel unworthy of love, and are incredibly lonely.

Both sides must be full for the relationship’s Love Tank to be full. If one partner’s needs are neglected, the Love Tank is leaking and needs to be repaired. 

A Full Love Tank Equals A Secure Relationship.

When a Love Tank is draining, insecurity enters a relationship and even the most confident partners can feel insecure. When this happens, partners run for cover or criticize if they feel unappreciated, unwanted, or mistreated.

That’s why it’s so important to practice giving some kind of reassurance daily. Dr. Gottman’s motto for a healthy relationship is “small things often.”

Do tiny actions daily that display commitment, love, and affection. Tell your significant other that you love them. Buy their favorite candy bar and surprise them. Soothe their insecurities with kindness and care instead of defensiveness.

By filling up your partner’s Love Tank, you’ll make them feel secure, important, and loved. As a result, you’ll receive a lot more support in making the relationship last.

If you want to transform conflict into the material to build a stronger and more connected relationship then read Kyle Benson’s conflict blueprints here


Written by Kyle Benson
Originally appeared in Kyle Benson
Republished with permission
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How to Make a Relationship Last: The Love Tank Theory
make relationship last pin
How To Make A Relationship Last: The Love Tank Theory
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Kyle Benson

I've had the privilege of working with men and women on a wide range of relationship issues. I've helped individuals:Leave toxic relationships to find a healthy relationship that makes them feel calm, grateful for the person in their life, and deeply valued by their partner Close the emotional distance between partners so they feel deeply connected to each otherResolve relationship conflict, leading the couple to become closer and more loving than they ever thought imaginable Remove sexual anxiety to create intensely passionate and longer-lasting sexUse problems in the relationship as catalysts to help individuals grow into their highest potential (and become more awesome lovers)Our coaching sessions are tailored towards reaching solutions that improve your relationship quickly. Read more about my coaching programmes here, Relationship Coaching or Email me at Kyle@kylebenson.netView Author posts