The Late Confessions

The Day I Let You In

It started all of sudden. I never intended to and honestly never wanted to love someone however it happened. The very first thing I felt was like someone dropped a ton of weight or shot me right into the chest. It was the feeling of burden and something beautiful at the same time. Burden maybe what I was thinking is never going to happen which turned out to be true later but there was a rollercoaster of emotions. As it was something new for me l didn’t knew how to handle this situation. After maybe few days later I heard that her engagement has been fixed with one of her cousin by her parents. Only my one friend knew about it maybe I don’t believe anyone because people will judge over little things mainly misjudge that’s why never told anyone else.

In My Heart

I got informed about her engagement. It was the thing which cannot be described in words it was I have my will to live something I lost (which was not mine ever). I went into severe depression like I lost my power of thinking, I was unable to think anything like what happened to me why did this happened to me. It was the time I would never like to experience again in my life as it was really horrible. One thing I did was that I never told her that I love her (still didn’t told her) This was something which was eating me inside as I impatiently wanted to express my feeling but somehow I didn’t. I kept it as a secret that nobody can know. I wanted to cry out loud but I couldn’t I don’t know why. Days passed by and then months but I was still at this condition there was nothing which seems to cure my pain. Faking smile in front of everyone and her was the toughest thing to do so no one will know. One thing which served as a cherry on cake was my friends. What can I say about them they were the people who hurt me the most, not physically but through their words their actions, they made me feel like I’m worthless, they made me feel isolated. Its really sad to say that the women I loved was one of those people who hurt me. I don’t know what  is the meaning of friendship to them. Friendship is being selfless, and helping friends in time of need. But all they did is creating a environment of favoritism and standards. Although they themselves were like useless.

Hole In My Heart

I was still stuck in that situation sometimes I couldn’t handle it and misses her sometime I was like I don’t miss her or want her anymore, this game continued to many months. But after about 9 months I realized and questioned myself that she is using me only for her purposes and text me only when she needs something, do I really have to do this (the answer is straight NO). For me respect is everything and if she don’t respect me I can’t do this anymore. Maybe I’m totally wrong but that feeling of love and compassion turned into feeling of anger and rage like I want revenge from those friends from her for what they did to me what they made me feel.

Hatred Filled It

From feeling of love and then broken inside having mood swings and anxiety attacks and depression and now feeling of anger and rage it was an emotional rollercoaster for me and I don’t know why I wasted all that time for a  worthless person.I was always there for them. I never thought they would do this to me “she would do this to me’. But I think they don’t deserve this. They wanted it this way they got it. The story I continued I don’t know what will happen but thing is clear for me that I’m not going to do it anymore, they will taste the things they did after all Karma is a real bitch.

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