The Secret Key To Finding True Love

 / 

, , ,
The Secret Key To Finding True Love

If your eternal quest for finding true love is facing one dead end after another, the following article might help you discover some startling insights into finding real love.

Whether youโ€˜re completely single and have been for yearsโ€ฆ Or recently separated having gone through a gut-wrenching breakup, there is something I need to bring your attention to. The key to finally finding love.

Many folks believe that a โ€œrelationshipโ€ starts and stops with another warm body, be it your intimate partner, ex, or best friend. But what if I told you that there is another critical relationship that exists forever and always in your life at this very moment?

The Relationship That Matters

What if this hidden relationship was the FOUNDATION for creating healthy, clear love with another human being?

You see, it’s often the neglect of this hidden relationship that causes all of your romantic endeavors to fall apart at the seams.  In fact, if this relationship isn’t healthy, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for you to create a thriving partnership with a loverโ€ฆPeriod. So,

What is this hidden relationship that’s right under your nose? Well, it’s your relationship with reality, the way life is right now. In other words, the relationship you have with the present moment.

Let’s unpack this. If youโ€™re single and reading this email, how do you feel about being single? When youโ€™re feeling lonely, do you find yourself distracting or disconnecting from that feeling because itโ€™s painful through say social media, eating, drinking, or work?

On a more general, level how do you find yourself dealing with any uncomfortable emotion that enters your experience?

If youโ€˜re typically disconnecting from your experience of the present then youโ€˜re not in the right relationship with life. In truth, what youโ€˜re practicing is abandoning the present moment.  And if youโ€˜re abandoning the present moment, youโ€™re abandoning yourself.

Youโ€™re not being intimate with yourself, nor your feelings, which is actually the true starting place for being intimate with another (and building a relationship that lasts).

Related: 10 Phrases That Say A Lot More Than โ€˜I Love You.โ€™

Instead what youโ€˜re practicing is an unfulfilled, disconnected way of being that often leads to emptiness, loneliness, and discontent.

Your mission of finding true love cannot be successful unless you learn to savor every moment
Living in the moment will help you on your journey of finding true love

The Path Of Finding True Love

And here’s the kicker โ€“ if this is the neuronal highway you are continuing to fire in your mind over and over again; disconnect and abandonment about where youโ€˜re at currently in life, then another human being is not going to come along and change that way of being.

Imagine a guy comes along and you have practiced creating an identity of lack, missing, dis-ease. It will typically play out in one of two ways:

1. You Believe Something Is Missing And You Will Look For Evidence Of Such

Your neuronal pathways will have experience and strength firing, โ€œsomething’s not rightโ€. So, you may find yourself being suspicious, unsatisfied, โ€œnot feeling itโ€โ€ฆ with the people you date.  You have trained yourself into looking for โ€œwhatโ€™s missingโ€.  

Your expectations of what the right partner will feel like will be so enormously out of proportion to the reality that no mere mortal will be able to fill those shoes.  So youโ€˜ll hold back โ€“ driving with the breaks and become defended in your interactions with men because youโ€™ll be thinking itโ€™s too good to be true. Or if youโ€™re in a relationship youโ€™ll feel dissatisfied and this pattern is ultimately one of self-sabotage and constriction.

Related: 10 Habits That Cause Low Self Esteem And Depression

Or, on the flip side:

2. You Will Be Desperate Because Youโ€˜ve Been Training A โ€œScarcity Mindset.โ€

A man entering the picture you feel you click with will just be a blank canvas for you to project all that has been missing from your life.  He will feel projected onto a golden goose; him being positioned in your mind on a pedestal that will both flatter and put an unreasonable amount of pressure on him to be what you want him to be.   

This will drive him or her away because they wonโ€™t feel you are in a relationship with them, but rather in a relationship with some fantasy of a savior who is going to rescue you from your discontent. In short, they wonโ€™t feel like an equal.

At its core in both of these paths, the disconnection with the present moment breeds desperation because youโ€˜re ultimately outsourcing your connection to self, through connection to others as the only way to achieve fulfillment.

Make sense?

If you can relate to anything Iโ€™ve just unpacked here, know that youโ€™re not alone.  This is a very common phenomenon.  It is your responsibility though, to step out of it if you want to create healthy clear love.

So, how do you break this cycle if this is where youโ€˜re at?

What’s The Key To Finding True Love?

First, you must realize that your emotional experience is your responsibility and see the game that youโ€™ve set up, that in order to feel happy, secure, free, loved, desired you have believed you need a partner.

Just become aware of this.

Related: Healthy Boundaries: How To Protect Your Personal Space

And this game of, โ€œI can’t feel the emotions I want until I’m in a partnershipโ€ is authored by you, and therefore, you have the power to dismantle it.

So start to flirt with the idea, that a relationship might not make you happy. I know plenty of folks in a relationship with the โ€œright partnerโ€ at one point that doesnโ€™t feel any of those things above. In large part, because they never practice creating those feelings for themselves.

The secret is to discover how to arrive at that destination of contentment, feeling loved, secure first, without a partner.

Now look, on this path, there are going to be periods where you do feel discontent, sad, disappointed with not having a partner. This is normal and natural but the way through these feelings is to not run from them.  And itโ€™s not to try and fix them or distract yourself from them (like checking your phone incessantly whenever you feel lonely).

It’s not to make these feelings wrong or run from them through achievement, workaholism, or judgment that you SHOULDN’T be feeling this way โ€“ judging the feelings leads to them staying stuck.  The way through these often painful emotions is to be with them.

To welcome them to welcome all of them as guests. To build intimacy with each of them and expand your relationship with the present moment itself. To use each emotion as a gateway to building a more resilient, loving relationship with you. That’s the path to finally finding true love.

Finding true love becomes possible when you love yourself every moment

The Journey Of Finding Real Love Starts With Living In The Moment

To say yes to the present is to say Yes to yourself.

When you are in the right relationship with the present moment, you come into the right relationship with yourself as a creator of your experience. Youโ€˜re then gifted with the ability to author a more compassionate story about why you are where you are. It’s an opportunity to practice self-love and intimacy through communication with yourself in a way that builds all of the necessary scaffolding you GET to bring with you as an offering into your next relationship.

No more putting pressure on someone to fix your experience and not recognizing love when itโ€™s staring you in the face.

Relationship at that moment then becomes a platform for you to give and be, rather than a place for you to take from. That’s the key to finally finding love that exists forever.

I believe this poem by Rumi captures the essence of this โ€œbeing and welcomingโ€ the present experience.

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Written by: Clayton Olson
Originally appeared on claytonolsoncoaching.com and is republished here with permission.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide  5 Secrets To Create An Extraordinary Relationship.

So, did you find the above article “The Secret Key To Finding True Love” to be helpful? Now that you know about the one most important relationship that matters and how to find true love, tell us what is your secret to happiness? And how will you score your hidden relationship with life? Please leave your comments down below.

Key to Finally Finding Love Lasts pin
Finding true love takes self-work
The Secret Key To Finding True Love pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

The Key To Building A Thriving Relationship: Insights From Dr. Stan Tatkin

Maintaining A Thriving Relationship: Important Steps

Ever wondered what it takes to maintain a thriving relationship? Dr. Stan Tatkin has shared some really eye-opening tips that could change the way you think about love and bonding!

In a recent interview, Dr. Stan Tatkin, a renowned marriage and family therapist, researcher, and author of the best selling book In Each Otherโ€™s Care, shared invaluable insights on how to create and maintain a thriving relationship.

Dr. Tatkinโ€™s expertise in couples therapy and his psychobiological a



Up Next

8 Signs You Are On The Wrong Path In Life

Signs You Are On The Wrong Path In Life

Life is a very unpredictable thing, with its many twists and turns and unexpected changes, and sometimes we find ourselves walking on the wrong path. It’s like you took a small detour, and suddenly you find yourself on the opposite side of where you were meant to be! In this article, we are going to talk about the signs you are on the wrong path in life.

In our busy and rapidly changing world, it’s important to stay focused, and live a life that aligns with your dreams, aspirations, and goals.

So, if you relate to these eight signs you are on the wrong path in life, then don’t worry, because once you understa



Up Next

What To Say When Someone Dies โ€” And 7 Things Not To Say

What To Say When Someone Dies? Best And Worst Things

Death is hard. Finding the right words to say when someoneโ€™s hurting can be even harder. Wondering what to say when someone dies? Below are some do’s and don’ts for you to note down!

“I’m sorry for your loss” is a classic line, but it might not always hit the mark. Sometimes, it can feel like a generic response rather than genuine comfort. There are many other comforting words to say when someone dies. Let’s break it down below.

Related: How To Overcome The Fear Of Losing Someone You Love: 10 Tips



Up Next

7 Toxic Beliefs Normalized By Society : Time to Challenge the Norms!

Toxic Beliefs Normalized By Society: Rethinking Norms

We have grown up in a society where lots of harmful beliefs have been considered normal for centuries. It’s 2024 now, and even though society has changed in ways, there are still many things that are wrong with it. Even today, there’re so many toxic beliefs normalized by society, and it can feel frustrating to say the least.

These harmful beliefs considered normal by society can greatly shape your thoughts, actions, and connections without you even realizing it. Let’s explore 7 of the most toxic beliefs normalized by society, and how normalization of toxic behavior can be extremely dangerous for us.



Up Next

The 5 Profound Regrets of The Dying: Life’s Last Lessons

The Profound Regrets of The Dying: Life's Last Lessons

Dying people tend to have quite a few regrets when on their deathbed. This article is going to talk about the biggest regrets of dying people and what they wish they would have done differently when they had the time. Let’s explore the top 5 regrets of the dying, and try to learn what actually matters in life.

KEY POINTS

Qualitative research on the top regrets of the dying can help us understand how to live happy lives.

Quantitative research confirms many of these findings.

Living authentically and focusing on relationships emerge as important themes in the research.



Up Next

30 Life-Changing Journal Prompts That’ll Boost Your Mental Well-being

Powerful Journal Prompts for Mental Health Strength!

Welcome to a journey of self-discovery and mental well-being! Many people resort to journaling as a method to take care of their mental healthโ€”itโ€™s like a safe house for expressing feelings and evaluating oneself.

If youโ€™re here with us, you are most likely interested in prioritizing your mental well-being. For this reason we have curated an exhaustive list of journal prompts for mental health strength, just for you!

Journaling enables you to organize your thoughts, get some clarity, and increase your mindfulness and self-awareness. Letโ€™s explore the concept of journa



Up Next

Sleep Better with Pink Noise: Your Key to Quiet Nights and Restful Sleep

What Is a Pink Noise and Amazing Ways It Helps You Sleep!

Among the many ways to find calm after a busy day, pink noise seems like a secret partner in the fight against insomnia. That is why we have compiled this inclusive article on what is pink noise!

Ever find your brain in overdrive the moment you hit the pillow? Stress and anxiety disrupting your peaceful slumber? You’re not alone. Learning what is pink noise and how it works, could be your secret weapon against sleeplessness!

Now, here’s an interesting thing: you’ve probably heard of white noise, but there’s something called pink noise that scientists say might help with sleep. Could this be the secret to better nights?