The Depressed Rebellion!

 January 10, 2019

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And they find it hard to believe… They deny my feeling and genuine vulnerability so they don’t become burdened to deal with it.

It is often the response of a male ‘Don’t say this. You are strong.’ As if while my strength bugs this person, they have grown so countable on it and the comfort is brings them to not have to play a role or fulfil a need. They would rather watch me burn as I juggle to fill in the gaps and tear myself apart and stretch too thin attempting to fulfil his prophecy of my ‘strong’. Be competitive, competent and strong. Focus on only what they want me to do and how they want me to live.

They urge me to deny my vulnerability because from it I regain my grace and power.

Every time I let myself be and crashed…I came back fuller and completed. I become less strong and with that my alluring strength transpires

HOW COME?!!! OFF COURSE YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED. YOU JUST POSTED AMAZING PICTURES ON SOCAIL MEDIA WHILE YOU ARE OUT AND TRAVELLING WITH FRIENDS IN POPULAR PLACES!!

YOU ARE STRONG. Snap out of it. Shower and Pray. Go Out and Dance.

And I SCREAM .. NOOO I am not strong. E N O U G H.

Do not deprive me of my birth given right to feel what I want to to and say what I need to say and be the hell whatever and whoever I chose to be even if it means I am a weak broken depressed 38years old Egyptian Moslem lonely single woman with no interest in life as she knows it.

If being strong will grant me all this load and bare me such life then I QUIT!

It is quite paradoxical being a ‘woman’. At first they don’t want you. Then they use you well. They build businesses around you and make sure you never have the muscles to pull off your own. They twist and turn to get you to buy infamously expensive things you don’t need and make sure you remain worker double as much to barely make as much as they do, so you end up digging a guy to pay on your behalf. It scares them that you want nothing, ask for no help, hardly impressed, self sufficient and pay for your own luxuries. You twist and you are non-twistable! 

They keep you at home to bare children or blame you for not being able to have any. You are the seed of all the sins of humanity as we know it embodies in boobs and bottoms that are never big or tight enough for their taste and certainly forever brainless. You are fertile, sexy, young, old, cougar, PMSing, PPDing, menopausing, demanding, barren, dramatic, sensitive, independent, stubborn, wild, tough, soft, fake, virgin, slut, mother, divorced, fat, thin, airhead, geek, crazy,… OR STRONG!! So for God sake just save us the efforts and be STRONG; so we can lay it and name it all on you without having to even blink a thought. They yearn, therefore, may be as a woman I one day feel ‘accomplished’ and we are spared! 

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