The Art of Being Unfuckwithable

Being Unfuckwithable is an art- Find out.

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.” ~Mark Twain


(Warning: Expletives ahead. If you’re a fragile snowflake afraid of a little harsh (yet healing) vocabulary, turn away. Move onto the next article. No hard feelings… If not, start with this video about the efficacy of the word “Fuck.”)

Here’s the thing: There are too many fucks given to stupid petty shit and not enough given to amazing and magical shit. That’s a problem.

We’ve all suffered from this problem to some extent. It usually happens when the category-five shitstorm of our lives takes us for a spin and we lose sight of what really matters.

Magical shit is what really matters, despite how dangerous or risky it may be. Life is too short to squander it on stupid shit, no matter how safe or comfortable that stupid shit may be.

Unfortunately, what’s magical shit and what’s not varies slightly from person to person. We all have a different psycho physiological reaction to any given stimuli, however minute. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and whatnot.

Which is why the best place to start learning how to save your fucks for magical shit is with yourself.


1.)  Focus on your own shit:

“When you are truly genuine, there will invariably be people who do not accept you. And in that case, you must be your own badass self, without apology.” ~ Katie Goodman

In the crashing plane of an unhealthy culture, a healthy person places the oxygen mask on themselves first.

Oxygen is life, literally. Metaphorically, oxygen represents health. And becoming healthy is the fastest way to get to the point to where you can distinguish magical shit from stupid shit. You must be capable of this distinction before you can decide where all your fucks will go. Let alone become unfuckwithable.

Unfortunately, in an unhealthy culture, we are usually taught (conditioned/brainwashed/propagandized) to give our fucks to stupid petty shit.

But that is precisely why the “plane” is crashing. And that is also why we are needing to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first.

We must focus on our own shit before we have a go at other people’s shit. Otherwise, there will just be shit everywhere. Once we get our own shit in order, we might earn the right to help others with their shit.


2.)  Stop accepting shit you hate:

“Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil.”~Unknown

The healthier you become, the more you realize what you hate. Or, at least, the more you become aware of that which is unhealthy. Stupid petty shit tends to be unhealthy.

Amazing magical shit tends to be healthy. It really is that simple. Of course, there is always moderation to consider, which is a cornerstone of the health of course, but, barring anything too extreme, amazing magical shit is almost always healthy.

But somewhere between the authoritarian platitudes of “because I told you to,” and “it’s just the way things are, deal with it,” we lost sight of this simplicity.

As a result, we are left drowning in unhealthy shit that we’re somehow just supposed to accept because that’s the way things are.

Well, fuck that!

You can take that dull-witted, brainwashed, pantomimed, puppet-stringed shit and shove it back where the sun doesn’t shine. We’re not having it.

The sweet oxygen of health that we learned by focusing on our own shit has us wide awake and aware to those pithy diatribes of ill-reason and ill-health.

In other words: that shit won’t fly anymore. We’re onto what’s healthy and what’s not healthy. From now on, we’re choosing health by embracing what we love over accepting what we hate.


3.)  Chuck it in the fuck it buckets and moves on:

“The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There’s a reason why people have mid-life crises. There’s a reason why people make bucket lists. There’s a reason why people say, “spend your money on experiences rather than things.”

I won’t get into those reasons because that would make this article about something else. I only point it out to showcase the importance of taking the next step…

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  1. .
    I’m an every second word kind of swearer when face to face with adults who know me on the outside. Swearing is an art that I’ve been practising a fucking bit now.
    So don’t fuck my flange or you’ll pay me for your cock-up. I haven’t actually got a flange just like to use that word occasionally and cock-up isn’t actually swearing. Cock-up is a term used when you place an arrow upside down in your bow.