Between a parent and a child: “If you obey me, I will love you.”
Between spouses: “If you keep me happy, I will stay with you.”
Between a boss and employee: “If you never upset me, I will keep paying you.”
We can see how manipulation thrives because each person is upholding his or her respective end of this distorted agreement, and how the only way for the manipulated person to come out from under the thumb of the manipulator is for her to realize she doesn’t need the thing that is being leveraged anymore.
So in other words, as a grown child, the love and approval we crave is already inside us. As an employee, we can find another job if the demands become unreasonable. As a spouse, we don’t need our partner’s approval in order to feel good about ourselves.
Been there? Have you ever faced similar situations…. Please don’t worry, you are not alone. Please feel free and write to us, share your experience, give your valuable comments.