It’s Okay to Not Be Okay When Life Gets Hard

“Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars…
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
But tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
There’s nothing wrong with who you are…”
Jessie J

Life can be so hard sometimes. 

Our obligations battle our desires. Our bills battle our dreams. Our hearts battle our heads.

Our striving to do more, to keep up, to achieve as much as possible battles our quest for inner peace and self-acceptance.

And when we feel complicated emotions like anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness, fear, rejection, loss, we have to choose between trying to stifle those feelings or sitting with them, uncomfortably. 

Our battles aren’t just internal. We turn on the news and the world seems to be falling apart. Feelings of hopelessness, shock and despair constantly fall over us. 

We question ourselves. Are we doing enough? Are we contributing? Are we happy enough? Are we living life to the best of our ability? Are we broken if we experience too much sadness? 

Sometimes the more we try to answer these questions, the more we lose ourselves. And when life throws extra curve balls like tragedy, illness or loss, it can all just feel like too much… 

 

Know That It’s Okay to Fall Apart

The other day I was not okay.

I was worn down and desperately needing alone time to recharge away from all the duties, demands and dishes of mamahood. I was also nervously waiting to find out if my beloved aging dog is suffering from kidney failure, and what the implications of that would be. The thought of it was wearing on me, heavily.

After rushing my kids up our hill to the car, because of course we were running late, I realized my two-year old had stolen my car keys out of my purse and hidden them somewhere back at home. It was the tiniest thing, but it felt like the biggest defeat.  

Sometimes when we’re standing strong through tough storms for too long, it’s the lightest feather that finally knocks us over.

I wanted to break down, and so I did. We went back home, I stepped away and I cried in private. Because I needed to. Because I had to. Because in that moment life was feeling so hard and the only way I could move forward was to feel it all.

When we’re on the verge of falling apart, that’s often exactly what we need to do. We need to feel it all so we can heal and emerge stronger. We must break down so we can rebuild. We need to take a break from judging ourselves and just let our emotions run their course.

Because life is beautiful but it is hard. And sometimes it really is okay to not be okay. 

And in these moments, the biggest mistake we can make is trying to force happiness upon ourselves when we’re not ready for it. We need to love and accept ourselves in our weakest moments as strongly as we love and accept ourselves in our strengths. 

And in learning how to love ourselves in our weakness we can find our way back to happiness once again, stronger and sturdier than we were before.

 

Remember That Less Is More 

I went to a funeral last week. A good friend’s father passed away. A friend I’ve had since kindergarten. 

I watched my brave friend and her sister give dynamic and emotional eulogies honoring their father. I had so many memories of him myself.

I worried I’d never find the right words of comfort for my friend, so I just showed up and prayed that would be enough. 

A few days later she told me how supported she felt. Just seeing her old friends there. Watching us as she shared her memories. Our mere presence gave her the strength she needed. Our act of showing up and bearing witness to her loss lifted her more than any words of comfort could have. 

When life is at its hardest, it helps to remember that less is more. A long hug, a cup of tea, a private moment to let yourself feel it all free of shame and judgement, a simple moment of pause. 

Just showing up… for the ones we love, for ourselves. Not demanding perfection, just presence and acceptance. Allowing ourselves to hurt and not rushing or shoving the hurt away. Simply surrendering to it, bearing witness to it, and letting it break us down so that we can rebuild with an even stronger foundation.  

How to Heal After the Cruel Words of a Toxic Person

How to Heal After the Cruel Words of a Toxic Person

It was the perfect day.

My husband and I spent the day with our kids walking through the park. Close friends from out of town we hadn’t seen in years joined us.

The weather was gorgeous. Our kids were laughing. Everything felt so peaceful and happy.

After we said goodbye to our friends we went to grab an early dinner. We found a restaurant we loved that allowed our dog to sit outside with us. The perfect ending to our perfect day.

Until she showed up…

An old woman walked by and sat down at the table next to us. She told the waitress she wasn’t going to order anything, she was just resting. There was something odd about her, her eyes were ice cold. I wondered if she was homeless.

As she sat there, she began to stare at us, wickedly.

Before we knew it, she started yelling at us. Calling us “disgusting pigs” and making comments to the wait staff about my dog.

She continued to harass my family and even got up and walked closer to our table yelling all sorts of nasty things at us, most of which were aimed directly at me. Given our mixed raced family, I couldn’t help but wonder if her comments were racially motivated.

I could feel every cell in my body filling with anger. Who was this nasty woman who was ruining our dinner and who dared to act like this in front of young children?

I wanted to shout a few choice words at her but my kids were there. I felt so much pressure to both protect them and set a good example for them on how to handle confrontations. But truthfully, I had no idea what to do…

I finally told her that if she didn’t back away from our table, I would call the police.

She responded “Good, call them so I can tell them what a disgusting pig you are!” as she waved a crooked finger in my face. I said okay. And I dialed 911.

In the meantime, the manager was trying to get her away from the restaurant, but she refused to leave and continued to stand there, screaming at us. When she finally heard me on the phone with the police, she quickly walked away. A true coward.

By the time the police came she was gone. They mentioned they’ve received several calls about a cranky old lady in the neighborhood who harasses people.

Now, I knew this woman was crazy, but as a sensitive person I’m extremely affected by other people’s energies and words and her venom had completely consumed me. Every cell of my body felt enraged, shaken and angry. I felt like our entire day had been ruined by this ten minute ordeal.

And I even had the creeping feeling that maybe, somehow, I was deserving of such abuse…

The Choice You Must Make

Just a few minutes after the police left, an old man walked by our table as we were still trying to gather ourselves. He looked at us with our young kids on our lap, dog at our side, and said:

“Enjoy guys, these are the best years of your life…”

His expression was so kind, and his simple words were so full of truth and love.

It was as if, within a span of just a few minutes, we had received messages from both the darkest and brightest sides of humanity, and it was up to us to choose which side we internalized.

I wanted so badly to embrace the message from the wise old man, but it was the mean old lady whose words infected me entirely. I could barely think about what that man had said, let alone be present for my daughters. And that frustrated me even more.

I was determined not to let this woman win the war for my thoughts so I did everything in my mental power to work through the experience and pull my thoughts out of her icy grasp.

If you’ve ever been subject to the cruel and venomous words of a toxic person, here are some of the things that helped me recover and gain control of my thoughts:

Don’t Believe the Lie

That cruel woman’s words had no truth to them. She didn’t know me or my family. But when someone tells you how disgusting or stupid or fat or whatever you are, even if it’s a complete stranger, there’s a small part of you that allows those words to creep in as your truth.

3 Steps for Sensitive Warriors to Take Back Their Power

3 Steps for Sensitive Warriors to Take Back Their Power

   There’s one mantra I created for myself and a philosophy I stand by:

Self-knowledge equals power.

Have you ever struggled with the victim-abuser or passive-dominant dynamic in your relationships, whether they include friends, family, bosses, colleagues or partners?

Recently these old energies have been showing up for me and I’ve had to consciously change these patterns by actively standing in my power.

If you’re a sensitive soul and hardwired for kindness I know how terribly hard and painful it can be to express your truth and establish boundaries towards those who overstep them or mistreat you.

Even if you’re not highly sensitive or an empath, we all find ourselves in situations where we don’t want to hurt another’s feelings even when they’ve wronged us in some way.

But think at what price we choose to remain silent or let others get away with attempts at devalue or a show of their lack of respect?

The cost is to our peace of mind and self-worth. Our physical body too will hold the memories and trauma of giving away our power.

Know that you are the Master of your world and no one has the right to dominate, demean, betray or abuse you to any degree. Understand that how other people treat you is always a reflection of how they feel towards themselves.

Often it’s the sensitive types who become the target of other’s own inner violence which they’re unable to make conscious, and it becomes our spiritual work to dissolve and transform these dark energies.

We show our compassion by seeing the reality – evaluating the facts and then expressing our needs and position. True compassion is seeing things the way they are and taking right action. Empathy means to see things from the other’s perspective, whereas compassion is the alignment with reality and doing what is right by you and the other person, which for the highly sensitive often means standing firm in our power, establishing our boundaries and strictly declaring No – I will not be treated this way.

Sometimes it means walking away from the situation, depending on the amount of toxicity present.

It is healthy to always be evolving and growing into our best selves. This means taking a bold step out of our comfortable patterns of behaviour and surpassing our fears of what might happen if we defend ourselves.

Here are three quick steps to gain control over feelings of unease and powerlessness:

1) Own Your Experience

Bring your awareness to the Now and get still. This is your place for reclaiming your power. Reconnect with your breath and observe its flow.

Next, slow down the mental scripts by controlling your breath. One of the simplest techniques is three-part breath. Breathe in for a count of four, pause for two counts and exhale for six counts. After a few minutes let go of this breath control and come back to simply observing your breath.

Then, sweep your attention over your physical body and then your emotional body. Know what you are experiencing and hold your attention in this space of Now.

2) Gain Clarity Over the Situation

What has happened and how do you feel?

From Step 1 you may have already gained clarity and identified what is being experienced on the level of mind, body and emotions. Write down the situation that’s making you feel powerless. Let the words flow. Keep the pen moving until you’re satisfied with all the details.

Spare a few lines at the end of your ‘purge’ to re-evaluate the situation and write down the action steps to take that will bring you peace of mind and that honours your feelings and sense of self-worth.

3) Express your ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’.

Often this is the hardest part as it is the confrontation stage but this is also the stage at which you break free. Stand in your clarity and presence, which is your place of power and truth. Say Yes if there’s anything for you to take responsibility for and say No to the situation by expressing how you feel.

If the other party does not see reason or hold themselves accountable, walk away.

Keeping silent about your mistreatment contributes to the level of trauma held within the body – it is a form of self-violence. Your self-expression however firm or stern is a form of self-protection. Honour your anger and honour your self-expression.

People Who Cry During Movies Are The Strongest People Of All

People Who Cry During Movies Are The Strongest People Of All

Pass me a tissue, please…

I’ll admit it: I cry during movies… and books, music, and podcasts. Depending on how my hormone levels are, I might preemptively grab tissues and just watch the movie alone.

Though a lot of people smirk when they see me watch movies in tears, I’m really fine with it. Truth be told, people who cry over movies tend to have something that a lot of others haven’t really cultivated: empathy.

It takes a special type of person to have empathy. Many people out there — narcissists and sociopaths, for example — are born without it and live their entire lives without ever really putting themselves in other peoples’ shoes. This means they can’t really feel for other people. Though a lack of empathy could come in very handy for a used car salesman, it’s not always a good thing.

Actually caring about others’ situations takes strength — a lot of it. Life is brutal to some people and if you’re able to actually put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel that pain, it says something about you.

You’re strong enough to actually withstand that pain, but to feel it nonetheless. You’re strong enough to be strong for others. You’re strong to the point that you understand where they’re coming from and are able to actually feel what they’re feeling.

It’s never a wimpy thing to actually care for another person, even if that person is a fictional character in a movie. It shows that you actually have a heart, and that it’s a heart that can break itself for others. Though it can be broken, by the end of the movie, you know it’s been patched back together.

Being able to recover that quickly says something else about people who cry during movies: they can bounce back like no one else’s business, and are strong enough and smart enough to actually separate reality from fiction.

Of course, that’s not the only reason people cry at the movies. There are also tears that flow because you’ve been where a character has been — tears of memories that are painful. I have often found it cathartic to see movies that have people going through things I have, simply because it allows me to let some of my bottled up feelings loose in a healthier way. I’d like to see how anyone could doubt someone’s strength when they actually confront things that have hurt them in the past.

Then, there’s the kind of tears that flow when you’re really just overwhelmed with the artistic genius of a film. It’s not just something pretentious people do, either. It’s called Stendhal Syndrome in its more advanced forms and it means that a work of art moved you to the point that you’re having both physical and emotional symptoms.

Having gotten it after watching the movie Casshern, I can honestly tell you that it takes a lot of strength to jerk yourself out of that physically-altering sense of awe.

For people who are really susceptible to the way that art moves them, actually viewing a seriously good movie, listening to a good radio show, or even reading the right comic can be a test of your ability to keep a straight face. It can also be a major rollercoaster ride — one which forces you to face and embrace emotions most others choose not to look at.

If you ask me, that’s a lot of strength to shoulder.

Maybe it’s not the kind of strength that most people think about when they think of a strong person, but it’s the most important kind of emotional strength: empathy. And to a point, intelligent acuity it takes to cry at a movie is something you really can’t deny.

Even if we aren’t lifting 100 pounds, we are exploring our emotions, and that can lift our spirits higher than anything else out there.


Originally appeared in Yourtango
Written by Lindsey Kupfer

People Who Cry During Movies Are The Strongest People Of All

10 Reasons Being An Empath Is A Gift

10 Reasons Being An Empath Is A Gift

Is it hard for you to see any benefit in being an Empath? Do you feel being highly sensitive is a problem for you?

Most people feel that their heightened awareness or sensitivity is a burden that they want to shut off and quiet. It’s really important for you to hear how valuable you are as an Empath, and how many wonderful traits you have that set you apart and give you an advantage because you are highly sensitive.

When you get a better understanding of your true nature, realize you are not alone, start accepting your heightened sensitivities and then learn the practicable methods in going to share with you, you will be able to gradually identify and release all those pesky internalized false beliefs you have about how there is something wrong with you.

What if what you believe is wrong about you was your greatest capacity for changing the world and you just don’t yet know how to use your natural abilities yet?

As most of you, or maybe all of you have concluded at one time or another in life, being highly sensitive can be tough. You may feel like no one understands you and no one gives you the sympathy you require when something is difficult for you.

There are actually some great benefits of being highly empathic. Most people put all the focus on the difficulties and don’t get far enough in their self-discovery on their own to realize the enormous benefits.

Here are the top ten reasons being an Empath is a gift:

1. We are natural healers and can gift healing energy to others through our hands, voices or even by playing a musical instrument.  Many Empaths choose to pursue energy healing as they feel an inner calling to heal themselves and others.

 

2. Our heightened sense of smell allows us to enjoy food, beverages, flowers, essential oils, etc. with more intensity. If you work to increase your skill of smell you can also smell death or disease in an animal or a person. This can lead to saving lives.

 

3. We will sense potential dangers before other people and are more in tune with our sixth sense.

 

4. Since we feel everything so strongly, we are prone to feeling deeper lows, but also are prone to feeling greater highs than those who ate not as sensitive. Most of us have a great enthusiasm for life and experience live and joy with greater intensity and tend to be more kind, understanding, compassionate and caring.

 

5. While many people who are not so empathic feel deeply uncomfortable being alone with themselves, Empaths actually crave a lot of alone time and require it to balance and de-stress. We need alone time to recuperate, and that’s not a bad thing as we are more self-aware because of this time with ourselves.

 

6. Empaths are unusually very creative in life with not only art but also experiences, situations, and possibilities. We think differently and see things that others would not be able to conceptualize as easily. This creativity of thought and processing can often be mislabeled as wrong, but it’s actually a capacity of yours.

7. We can read emotional cues and are very emotional ourselves, so we can imagine well what the other person feels and what would happen inside if this person did not have their needs met.

 

8. Sensitive people are good at sensing all kinds of nonverbal communication and indicators of physical needs and emotions. This gives us a talent for intuiting the unconscious mind and for sensing the needs of those who cannot speak, such as animals, plants, infants, and the human body.

 

9. We also are much more aware of people’s thoughts feelings and emotions, and because of this we can almost always sense when someone is lying to us. We know when someone tells us they are fine, but they really are crying on the inside. Because if our heightened awareness we can see through the false facades people up.

 

10. People can not lie to us without us knowing. Even when someone tries to tell us they are ok but they are not, we see though the facade they put up, and we can feel what’s really going on under the surface.

 

Your heightened sensitivity is a gift and not a curse. Remember that your thoughts are things, and what you think is what you create. So, next time you curse your heightened awareness or sensitivity level remember some of these benefits that you’ve just uncovered.

 

By putting your focus on the benefits of being an Empath, you will be creating a life where your gift is contributing to you instead of draining you.

These Illustrations Are Incredibly Recognizable For Anyone With ADD

Attention Deficit disorder also called ADD, effects 3-5% of the population. Everyone has that friend that is easily distracted, with their thoughts all over the place. And when they are concentrated it is almost as if you have to find that one magical word that will catch their attention otherwise it feels like a bomb could go off next to them and they won’t even pay attention. These 17 illustrations will help you understand what it is like to have ADD.
If you are that friend, then you will recognize yourself in many of these sketches.

1. ADD is more complicated than most people think.

ADD is more complicated than most people think.

 

2. You can focus, but there are so many little everyday things that can quickly change that.

You can focus, but there are so many little everyday things that can quickly change that.

3. Retrieving thoughts — like when you’re answering a question or talking to someone — isn’t very easy.

Retrieving thoughts — like when you're answering a question or talking to someone — isn't very easy.

4. Routine is incredibly important.

Routine is incredibly important.

 

5. And, OK yes, your train of thought as you tell a story can get a little confusing for others.

And, OK yes, your train of thought as you tell a story can get a little confusing for others.

6. Sure, “zoning out” happens, but you’re not just being spacey.

Sure, "zoning out" happens, but you're not just being spacey.

 

7. Making up your mind is usually pretty complicated:

Making up your mind is usually pretty complicated:

8. And you might get super anxious over things that seem like NBD to most people.

And you might get super anxious over things that seem like NBD to most people.

9. You can’t always choose what your mind decides to focus on.

You can't always choose what your mind decides to focus on.

10. Medication may help, but not really in the way that most people assume:

Medication may help, but not really in the way that most people assume:

11. When it comes to organization, you’re usually hanging at one end of the extreme or the other.

When it comes to organization, you're usually hanging at one end of the extreme or the other.

12. Sometimes you have more ideas than you know what to do with.

Sometimes you have more ideas than you know what to do with.

13. FYI: People with ADD are not just limited to certain careers.

FYI: People with ADD are not just limited to certain careers.

14. Going to bed can be a struggle.

Going to bed can be a struggle.

15. People with ADD are very complex and intuitive — even though it’s easy to get lost in one’s head.

People with ADD are very complex and intuitive — even though it's easy to get lost in one's head.

 

16. And it means the world when other people get that.

And it means the world when other people get that.

17. Because you’re just like everybody else. While some things might be a little more difficult…

Because you're just like everybody else. While some things might be a little more difficult...

You have incredible strengths, too.

You have incredible strengths, too.

 

A letter to Empaths – When you feel completely drained, Remember this

As an empath I am all too familiar of how it feels to get lost. To only feel like a glimmer of the person you know you are. I am all too familiar of how easy it is to end up in a relationship where you don’t have a voice, to believe since you have the best intentions that others do as well. To be up a murky creek, with no paddle in sight.  Let my words be your paddle.

As empaths we have the unique ability to get stuck in depression caused by unruly environments. The reason this is, is because as empaths we are able to internalize other people’s feelings as if they were our own.

We literally feel what makes our loved ones happy, and even worse we feel what makes them angry and upset.

These feelings become so overwhelming that without us realizing it we start giving EVERYTHING to not get them upset or angry, even the slightest annoyance they feel, we feel too.

While we can romanticize this phenomenon, what is actually happening is the empath is fading away into oblivion. The feelings and emotions that we feel become insignificant, and we really start believing that our own feelings don’t matter at all.

This is where the depression kicks in, it’s because deep deep down within the depths of our souls we are fighting to be free.

Some people might say, what kind of person would make someone feel that way.  The truth of the matter is (most of) our loved ones are not inherently bad.  It usually happens without them even knowing it.  It might start with us insisting that they pick the restaurants and the entertainment, because “we just want to make them happy”.

Little seemingly inconsequential gestures set the precedent of how you are allowed to be treated. In other words you are setting the precedent that they are more important than you, and therefore why would they respect you.

We get so completely enthralled by these situations and living for our loved ones that no matter how depressed we are,  leaving never seems like an option. We would literally rather die than break the heart of someone we love.  This is also why so many empaths are suicidal.

This phenomenon does not strictly occur in romantic relationships.  This could easily happen in a friendship, without us even being aware of it.  Friends might constantly ask us for advice, but not stick around to hear our problems. We have set the precedence that our problems are less important, that WE are less important.

The same things happen in parent child relationships. As empath children we feel extreme pressure to not disappoint our parents, because we internalize the disappointment, and therefore we become disappointed in our selves.

On the other end of the coin, as empath parents we give our all to make sure our children are happy, taken care of, and make sure our children know that it is impossible for us to ever be disappointed in them.

We make the best possible parents because we raise kids who have more confidence and are comfortable in their own skin.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, like you have given all your energy out to others and need to recharge yourself, always remember:

1.) You deserve happiness; take time for yourself
2.) Your feelings are no less important than anyone else’s
3.) We are all connected – when you hurt yourself you are hurting others

By: Hillary Gerstler


Source – Spirit Science

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5 Signs You Are An Extremely Strong Yet Highly Sensitive Person

5 Signs You Are An Extremely Strong Yet Highly Sensitive Person2

When we think of people with great strength of character who are able to come through difficult circumstances often seemingly unfazed, we don’t generally think of those same people being very sensitive as well. It can and does occur though, that some incredibly strong people and personalities are also some of the most sensitive. The two traits are not mutually exclusive, as society might have us think.

Below are 5 signs you just might be one of these rare people yourself.

1. You find yourself overwhelmed at times.

The world is wild and sometimes scary place, and life slows down for no one. You may sometimes feel overcome by the rush and weight of it all, but you never give up. You’re sensitive enough to feel those feelings deeply but strong enough not to be halted by them. You know better than anyone that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

2. You call it like it is.

Your sensitivity allows you to be attuned to the details and hard truths of reality, and whether it’s the behavior of a friend or some small injustice that may go unnoticed by others, you aren’t afraid to bring it to the forefront of attention. You’re in touch with the feelings of others, as most sensitive people are, but you don’t sugarcoat or gloss over things that need to be addressed.

3. You’re only interested in real romantic connections.

You’ve got a lot going on inside of you and you’re not interested in spending 5 dates talking about weather and local sports or favorite bands. You want something honest and real from your partner and you’re not afraid to wait it out a little longer in order to get that. You don’t like to be alone, but you know what your company is worth and you won’t settle for less.

4. You have standards for yourself and others.

You’re sensitive enough to know when something isn’t quite right but you’re also strong enough to know you shouldn’t take that crap lying down. You wouldn’t expect anything from others that you don’t expect from yourself, so when something is unacceptable, it’s important to you to let the proper people know so that the situation can be remedied. Basically you don’t take any bullshit and you don’t allow yourself to dish it out, either.

5. You are an excellent listener.

our natural sensitivity gives you a unique talent for listening and being compassionate to the troubles of others, while your strength helps to make you a great shoulder to cry on in times of need. Your presence is kind and warm but also firm and reassuring. You’re able to empathize and sit through the pain with a friend, but you’re also there to help them stand back up and keep on moving forward. This is why anyone who gets to call you a friend should consider themselves lucky.

So, are you a highly sensitive yet emotionally strong individual? Let us know in the comments! Pass this post along to your friends to see if they relate!

5 Signs You Are An Extremely Strong Yet Highly Sensitive Person

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How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

Emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, and immobility are energies. And you can potentially ‘catch’ these energies from people without realizing it.

If you tend to be an emotional sponge, it’s vital to know how to avoid taking on an individual’s negative emotions, or even how to deflect the free-floating negativities in crowds.

Another twist is that chronic anxiety, depression, or stress can turn you into an emotional sponge by wearing down your defenses. Suddenly, you become hyper-attuned to others, especially suffering with similar pain. That’s how empathy works; we zero in on hot-button issues that are unresolved in ourselves.

From an energetic standpoint, negative emotions can originate from several sources: what you’re feeling may be your own; it may be someone else’s; or it may be a combination. Here is how to tell the difference and strategically bolster your positive emotions so you don’t shoulder negativity that doesn’t belong to you.

Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

1. Identify whether you’re susceptible. 

The person most likely to be overwhelmed by negative energies surrounding you is an “empath”, someone who acts as an “emotional sponge”. Signs that you might be an empath include:

  • People call you “hyper-sensitive”, “overly sensitive”, etc., and they don’t mean it as a compliment!
  • You sense fear, anxiety, and stress from other people and draw this into your body, resolving them as your own physical pain and symptoms. It doesn’t have to be people you don’t know or don’t like; you’re also impacted by friends, family, and colleagues.
  • You quickly feel exhausted, drained, and unhappy in the presence of crowds.
  • Noise, smells, and excessive talking can set off your nerves and anxiety.
  • You need to be alone to recharge your energy.
  • You’re less likely to intellectualize what you’re feeling. Your feelings are easily hurt.
  • You’re naturally giving, generous, spiritually inclined, and a good listener.
  • You tend to ensure that you’ve got an escape plan, so that you can get away fast, such as bringing your own car to events, etc.
  • The intimacy of close relationships can feel like suffocation or loss of your own self.

 

2. Seek the source. 

First, ask yourself whether the feeling is your own or someone else’s. It could be both. If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what’s causing it on your own or with professional help. If not, try to pinpoint the obvious generator.

  • For instance, if you’ve just watched a comedy, yet you came home from the movie theater feeling blue, you may have incorporated the depression of the people sitting beside you; in close proximity, energy fields overlap.
  • The same is true with going to a mall or a packed concert. If crowded places upset or overwhelm you, it may well be because you’re absorbing all the negative energy around you.

 

3. Distance yourself from the suspected source, where possible.

Move at least twenty feet away; see if you feel relief. Don’t err on the side of not wanting to offend strangers. In a public place, don’t hesitate to change seats if you feel a sense of depression imposing on you.

 

4. Center yourself by concentrating on your breath. 

Doing this connects you to your essence. For a few minutes, keep exhaling negativity, inhaling calm. This helps to ground yourself and purify fear or other difficult emotions. Visualize negativity as gray fog lifting from your body, and hope as golden light entering. This can yield quick results.

 

5. Flush out the harm. 

Negative emotions such as fear frequently lodge in your emotional center at the solar plexus (celiac plexus).

  • Place your palm on your solar plexus as you keep sending loving-kindness to that area to flush stress out.
  • For longstanding depression or anxiety, use this method daily to strengthen this center. It’s comforting and it builds a sense of safety and optimism as it becomes a ritual.

susc-3

6. Shield yourself. 

A handy form of protection many people use, including healers with trying patients, involves visualizing an envelope of white light (or any color you feel imparts power) around your entire body. Think of it as a shield that blocks out negativity or physical discomfort but allows what’s positive to filter in.

 

7. Manage the emotional overload. 

You don’t need to be beholden to your ability to absorb other’s emotions; turn the curse into a gift by practicing strategies that can free you:

Why Strong People Attract Difficult Relationships

I have seen spiritually awakened, amazingly strong people fall into relationships that are sometimes abusive, stressful and manipulative and often wondered- why?

There are probably many reasons this happens, but it seems that strong people are already so good at working on themselves and digging through their own baggage, that often it takes a relationship to really push them out of their comfort zone.

While I have never been in an abusive relationship, when I met my partner it definitely felt as if I was being challenged by the Universe to unearth things that I believe, could only really could be unearthed by entering into a romantic partnership.

I was excellent at being independent and had done a lot of work on myself, but it seemed that entering into a relationship that really mattered, unexpectedly turned my life upside down.

Relationships often teach us the most about ourselves, especially when we are already strong characters.

If you are struggling in your relationship, if you are wondering why you seem to have everything else flowing smoothly in your life except romance, it could be a sign that you are a strong soul that is here to experience deeper, transformative work through “other”.

Here is why strong people often encounter difficult relationships and how to move through it-

Understand that Relationships are Part of Something Bigger

Strong people are often so good when they are on their own, but suddenly they enter into a significant relationship only to discover a whole suitcase of baggage they didn’t even know they had.

It is one thing to work through your own skeletons, but when they are triggered by another person, things can get messy very quickly.

It is important for people in this situation to remember that their relationship is part of something bigger and is there to help bring about growth, change and transformation.

In order for strong people to grow, their relationships often have to present some challenge in order to reach through to the other side.

This is not to say that strong people are forever doomed, but in the early days especially, it could be typical to attract these sorts of challenging relationships.

By focusing on the bigger picture and the growth that is to be had through the relationship, it can sometimes help to keep things in perspective.

Strong people often enter into relationships that also serve a higher purpose that perhaps may not even be revealed in this lifetime.

This is because strong people attract-

1.) Many Soulmate Relationships

Strong people are often destined to enter into many soulmate relationships.

Soulmates come into our lives to help challenge our soul in order to grow. Soulmate work can be very heavy, painful and amazing all at the same time, but the ultimate mission is growth of the soul.

It is through these relationships that strong people often do their most healing and self-discovery. This is because they are so good at being independent that merging with another person is where most of their weaknesses are highlighted.

Soulmate relationships also don’t have to be forever, but in terms of growth and evolution, the effects of the relationship are likely to last a lifetime.

 

2.) Healing Relationships

Many strong people are also healers and therefore, will attract partners that need a lot of healing and attention.

Strong people are also generally equipped to handle the pain and emotions of people who need healing, emotional support and comfort, which is why the Universe will bring them together.

Healing is never one-sided however. If you are doing a lot of healing work in your relationship, it is likely that both parties are experiencing the benefits.

Strong people are also often sent to help other souls work through similar patterns or skeletons that they have had to deal with either in this life, or in past lives.

The one thing to be mindful of here is not to get caught up in a one-sided relationship. If you are feeling drained from all the ‘healing’ work, it may be a sign that you need to also shift your way of thinking and being in the relationship in order for it to grow.

 

3.) Karmic Relationships 

Often a challenging relationship is full of karma from past lives. Relationships can also trigger things within us that can cause us to feel heavy, confronted and confused.

Karmic relationships are often intense and heavy, especially in the beginning. There can also be a strong, unexplained pull to each other, or even a strong repulsion at times.

Healing old karmic wounds in a relationship is challenging work, but can also be a huge potential of growth and revolution.

When it comes to karmic work, the lessons will continue to follow you from relationship to relationship in order to be healed, released and cleansed.

Strong people often attract a lot of this into their lives because they are strong enough to handle it and have been given the tools they need to work through this karmic energy.

Doing karmic work in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to tolerate abuse or other bad behaviour, but sometimes sticking with the lesson and making your way to the other side can be the most therapeutic thing for your soul.

 

What Strong People in Challenging Relationships Can Do 

1.) Give yourself permission to be weak. Often strong people go through life always having to support other people, but challenging relationships can help stimulate the opposite. Allow yourself to be held and supported in the relationship, and resist always having to be the strong one.

2.) Learn to soften yourself and melt any barriers you have created surrounding receiving love. Often strong people are very good at giving but they are not so good at receiving.

3.) Understand that all relationships are just experiences that are here to help you grow and evolve into your highest potential. Embrace the challenges that come your way and remember it is all part of the journey.

4.) Focus on self-love. When you truly love yourself and make decisions from this place, it will help you to move forward in the relationship.

5.) Remember that challenging relationships can sometimes be the most rewarding. When you can move through the issues and into a clearer space, it can create a strong relationship that is often for life.

8 Challenges Unique to the Empathetic People

8 Challenges Unique to the Empathetic People

We all have gifts, some more than others, and empathy is one of them. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines empathy as the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. That sounds that the kind of trait that the world is running short of, yes? Look at all the hatred and atrocities going around. So then, there is no way, anyone can have too much of empathy, right? Wrong! After all, too much of a good thing, will not be good for too long. And this is a story that the empathetic people know only too well. In fact, it is so prevalently a challenge to live with that there is a need to turn the gift of empathy on and off. Just look at some of the things that very empathetic people (VEP) have to battle from day to day to understand.

Toxic relationships

When in a relationship of any kind with another human being, an overly empathetic person will tend to feel into their partner’s shoes whenever they are in problem. Overactive empathy drives them to do excessively so that they start to embrace their problems and take on their responsibilities all in a bid to make the situation better for them. They are prone to falling prone to abusive people who use circumstances to exploit them and abscond the role they are supposed to play in a balanced, healthy relationship.

Unhealthy abandonment of self-care

It is exhausting enough being a dedicated lover to one partner, parent to your children, and friend to your friends. Now imagine the same level of dedication projected to every single person that you meet going through problems. It is said that you can only love the other person as you love yourself, but this does not hold for the empathetic. They often carry too much baggage belonging to other people that they forget their own care.

Uncomfortable social situations

In social settings, the empathetic members of a group relate closely with the emotions and issues of others. As a result, they often overlook social mannerisms such as small talk. They are straight shooters, directly engaging other people on issues that may not be entirely welcome, especially to people who do not understand them.

Inability to sustain a debate

As an empathetic person, you may have a legitimately valid point in a discussion or argument, but remain unable to drive it across effectively. Why? It is extremely exhausting for them. This is because you understand where they are coming from too often. The result is that coming from a point of understanding, you expend too draining to sell your point when you are already sold on their argument.

Vulnerability to peer influence

VEPS always relate too easily to the circumstances of other people, often to their own detriment. Resultantly, they often fall prey to the influence of other people to engage in certain activities, even if you are not interested in it themselves. They understand their need to undertake the activity even if it contradicts their own values. To avoid such situations, it is healthy that they take some time on their own to touch base with themselves. This way, they can learn who they really are and unlock their full potential, as they are not subject to the emotions of others. In the same vein, they are often unable to have fun when they go out and the people accompanying them are not completely enjoying themselves. To completely enjoy themselves and discover what they genuinely enjoy, VEPs need to go out exploring on their own too.

Self-loathing

You are probably wondering how possible it is to relate to all others yet loathe themselves. This is how. VEPs can listen to the plight of the worst people in history and understand them. They will often read the stories of people who have committed unspeakable atrocities and still see the positive aspects to it. They will be able to relate their ruthlessness to childhood abuse or other such problems, for instance. The society, on the other hand, castigates such people unconditionally and that is seen as the norm. In the eyes of society, therefore, the VEPs are doing wrong. The VEPs can relate to this viewpoint as well and they hate themselves for being that understanding.

6 Important Grounding Tips For Empaths and Highly Sensitive People

Empaths can’t help being understanding, giving, and more aware. It comes natural for them to feel everything, even if they don’t want to.

An Empath will always be there for you, a shoulder to cry on, a confidant, but this is also incredibly draining for them, as they find it hard to say no.

If you are an empath and looking for ways to cope, here are some tips to help you ‘control’ your gift, and not resent it.

1. Creating a shield

As an empath, it is important to protect yourself. This is an exercise you should do as often as possible. Visualize a shield of energy around your physical body, choosing a specific colour may help, and then imagine a flowing, moving and energetic protective layer around you. You are not trying to lock yourself into a box, so keep your shield flexible and only allow what you want, in.

Once your shield is in place, visualize that the center of your being is a little light. Focus on this internal light, or fire.

Every one of your senses. Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, emotions. After trying this alone, try practicing it when around others. Try switching your awareness from your outside environment, back to yourself, your flame, and then back again. Take note of how each feels different.

 

2. Quiet time

Take many small breaks throughout the day, you need that fresh air and a good walk and stretch. These breaks will help reduce the excessive stimulation of being around people.

 

3. Meditate daily

More than anyone, you need to stay grounded and centered. Practice guerilla meditation. To counter emotional overload, act fast and meditate for a few minutes. This centers your energy so you don’t take it on from others.

 

4. Smudging

Smudging yourself is good, whether you are an empath or not.

Smudging yourself and your home and even place of work regularly will get rid of other people’s energy and their influence around you. Sage, copal, frankincense, Nag Champa and Palo Santo are all recommended.

 

5. Say NO and set boundaries

Saying no can be very difficult for an empath, but its incredibly important that you do say no when someone asks too much of you. You don’t have to explain it to them, just be polite and firm.

If you feel overwhelmed in crowded situations, eating a high protein meal can help, and stay as far out of the crowd as possible, not right in the middle!

Don’t feel like you have to say yes to your friends either, if you don’t feel like going out, or if you want to leave early, don’t feel bad about it.

 

6. Find an energy practitioner

Find someone you feel comfortable with,  each energy practitioners has his or her own set of unique skills and talents so you have to look around for what it is that your particular energy needs.

Understand that you may need to change practitioners as your needs change, you need to learn to recognize when you have grown and developed and are in need for a change.


Source – Spirit Science

 

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Are You Energy Sensitive? 6 Telling Signs

Are You Energy Sensitive? 6 Telling Signs

As you’ve probably noticed before, there is a range in our sensory abilities.  Some people can see very well, others not very well at all.  Some have excellent hearing, while others are deaf.  The same applies to energy sensitivity, or as they call it, your “sixth sense.”   Are you energy sensitive?

When you break down reality, everything is made up of one thing, and that is vibrational energy.  Some people are very aware of the energy that surrounds them, and they can tell when energy is high and when it is low.  They easily sense “good” and “bad” vibes.  Other people, not so much.

As I am energy sensitive and work with other energy sensitive people, here are a few signs I see time and again.  Not all energy sensitive folks will carry each of these traits, but if you carry a few of them, you are probably quite sensitive to vibrational energy.

1. Deep empathy for others: 

You can often spot the most energy sensitive person in the room when there is someone around who is hurt or upset.  Energy sensitive people are often the “first responders,” there to hold a hand, give a hug or lend a listening ear.  Energy sensitive people often feel other people’s emotions (and sometimes their physical pain too), and so they easily understand and empathize with people who are suffering.

2. Emotional rollercoasters:

Having a keen sense of vibrational energy often means that the high times feel very high but the low times feel very low.  Having some plans in place to help you raise your vibration can be very helpful,  especially during low times!

3. Addictions: 

Being energy sensitive means you “feel” a lot more than many people.  To avoid feeling low vibrational energy, these individuals may lean on substances like drugs or alcohol in order to numb out the pain of negative sensory input.  They may also have a proclivity for other types of addictions, like food, gambling or shopping.

4. Being an excellent judge of character: 

Energy sensitive people are often very aware of other people’s motivations, and many times they can “just tell when” someone is bad news.  This can be a very beneficial trait, as it makes one less likely to be conned or taken advantage of.

5. Possible introversion:

Not all sensitive folks are introverts, but many often are.  It can be overwhelming to take on the emotions and feelings of other people, and so often energy sensitive people withdraw and seek alone time in order to stabilize. They are often likely to feel drained after prolonged social interactions.

6. Receiving signs: 

People who are sensitive to energy are much more likely to be aware of the signs the universe is sending to them.  They are more likely to find meaning in events and circumstances that most other people see as simply “coincidental.”

As you can see, being energy sensitive is a bit of a double-edged sword.  Being attuned to vibrational energy allows one to have a deeper understanding of the universe, but it also can lead to a degree of overstimulation, and this can cause a variety of problems if left unaddressed.

If you think you may be energy sensitive, there are a number of things you can do harness the power of your gifts and cope with the struggles of sensitivity.

First and foremost, anything that can help you intentionally raise your vibration or the vibration of your environment can be highly beneficial.  I personally recommend daily meditation or yoga for mental (and physical) training.  Saging your home and workspace regularly is also recommended. 

Be mindful of the people you surround yourself with, and allow yourself to step away from toxic people, events and circumstances when you are feeling overwhelmed.  It is also very important to work toward self-acceptance, and learn how to love yourself and your gifts.

Being born into this world as an energy sensitive person comes with a unique set of responsibilities.  The constant influx of energy from one’s environment can be a overwhelming and painful at times. 

However, when one learns how to manage this gift, great things can happen.  Reading energy and being able to empathize with others can be a tremendous asset.  Energy sensitive folks are well-equipped to evoke positive change in the world, and have the capacity to be some of the world’s greatest leaders, healers and teachers.

I used to dislike being sensitive

I used to dislike being sensitive

“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my passion for it all.”

— Caitlin Japa

How Being Too Nice Makes Your Life Miserable

How Being Too Nice Makes Your Life Miserable

Are you too considerate, too kind, too selfless, and too often bow, just to please others? Don’t pat yourself on your back for being an awesomely amazing human being…You are hurting yourself, and you are at risk of depression.

Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill, a former fashion model and author, shares her experience with battling depression and tells you why, and how, you must start to love yourself…NOW.

STOP Living Someone Else’s Life

When you are always pleasant, happy, positive, smart, adjusting, caring, scared to speak your mind, change your personality unwillingly, hide your emotions, and unwittingly follow your friends/family’s diktats rather than your heart –  you are living their life, not yours. STOP trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. Stop worrying so much about what others are thinking about you: if ‘others’ care about you, they will love and accept you exactly for the way you are.

Lao Tzu, an ancient Chinese philosopher, famously said: “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

“I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I was a “slave” to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did. How tiring was that!? How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it…”

DO Things Because You Care – For Yourself

Don’t do things because everyone expects you to. Do things because you know they are right.  Stop spending all of your time on taking care of people who are important to you, or who can be important in future. This need to please and care for others is deeply rooted in a fear of rejection.  Fear of rejection is the underlying feeling that: “If I don’t do everything I can to make this person happy they might leave or stop caring for me.”  When you please others to avoid being criticized, rejected or punished, you lose self worth, which can wreak havoc in your life.

“What do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightning speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you…”

 

STAND Up For Yourself

Your significant others don’t care as much as you think. What you think of you is your business, not theirs. While you don’t have to be self-centered and egotistical, you don’t have to put yourself into other people’s shoes – all the time. The desire for connection and to fit in is one of the six basic human needs, but that doesn’t mean you lose yourself in the process of seeking approval. When you are addicted to external approval or opinion, you give your happiness remote to others, get easily manipulated, and accept unhealthy, abusive relationships as your destiny.

“Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you – it shouldn’t be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY. There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you. There is only one person, who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it – it’s you again.

“Just remember this: if you care too much – others will care too little… If you remain too available – others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture…”

 

LOVE Yourself

You must have heard the old saying: No one is ever going to love you more than you love yourself. And you must have brushed this thought aside, thinking self-love means being selfish. Well, when you don’t love yourself enough, or in other words shower all your love on others to feel loved in return, you become clingy; you don’t recognize your own good qualities, your don’t praise yourself, you don’t take pride in your achievements. In short, you get into depression sooner or later, when the love of your life goes away from you.

“Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with… YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. You’ve been accused of it so many times before, now it’s time for you to show others (and yourself) how selfish you can really be! Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it. Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone. This is how you start to love yourself…”