10 Ways To Know You’re Officially Over Your Ex

10 Ways To Know You’re Officially Over Your Ex

Breakups can be ugly. Really, truly ugly at times. Although it may feel like the end of the world initially, sooner or later, you will eventually get over your ex and will be glad that it’s over.

While we sympathize with those of you who were still pining over an ex (we cyberstalk our exes sometimes, too), we’re hoping this article will help you learn how to get over a breakup. It might just be the catalyst you need to move past that toxic purgatory.

And since one week is totally long enough to get over someone once and for all, it’s important to check yourself. For your reference, here are 10 signs you’re over your ex and are on your way to a healthy, happy life.

10 Ways To Know You’re Officially Over Your Ex

1. You don’t feel homicidal when he starts dating someone else.

In fact, you’re thrilled for both of them. Especially since you’re the one who set them up in the first place. After all, just because the two of you didn’t work out doesn’t mean he shouldn’t find happiness with someone else.

On the flip side, if he happened to know someone who might just be your soulmate, you’re sure he’d do the same for you.

 

2. You feel no urgent need to return his phone calls, texts, and emails.

Because he no longer holds the number one spot in your heart. And it’s not as if he’s going to see the error of his ways simply because you’re prompt.

 

3. You are interested in other men.

When you and your ex first broke up, you hit the bar scene in earnest with your best gal pals, but your heart just wasn’t it, no matter how many jolly rancher shots they plied you with. But just the other day, that sexy bartender smiled at you, and you experienced a moment of zing!

And yesterday evening, you brushed shoulders with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome as you were picking up your kids from school, and your stomach did flip-flops. It looks like you’re ready to date again!

 

4. You now realize that a lot of his personality “quirks” were annoying or lame.

Like the fact that he was a compulsive liar. Or the fact that he constantly preened in front of the full-length mirror, making it really difficult for you to get dressed in the morning. If you’re done seeing him through rose-colored glasses, you’re over him.

 

5. You consider your relationship a learning experience.

When you think back on the happy memories the two of you created together, you can’t help but smile. Yes, there were serious problems, but now, thank your lucky stars you know what to look out for in the future.

And that awful angst you experienced during your breakup and subsequent mourning period? It only made you stronger.

 

6. You no longer blame him for everything.

In the past, the bitterness you experienced due to your breakup caused you to inject spiteful comments about him into every conversation. Thank god that’s over and done with.

 

7. When you meet a new guy, you don’t automatically compare him to your ex.

Not only that, but you’re not even tempted to bring him up on your first date. Instead, you’re truly interested in learning more about this new guy’s life and, when asked about your own, are able to present yourself as a woman with hobbies and interests separate from those you shared with your old partner.

 

8. You think of yourself as single, not as someone who’s just gotten out of a relationship.

You’ve wallowed in self-pity for long enough, and are again ready to embrace the fun, adventure and boundless possibilities inherent in singledom. If you’re excited to be single, you’ve put Mr. Past where he belongs.

 

9. You truly feel that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

And that you’re that much closer to finding the one you are supposed to be with.

 

10. You try to think of his middle name or phone number and can’t recall it.

Congratulations! The unnecessary detritus from your time together has been officially flushed from your system. Now go out and find someone who doesn’t give you chronic migraines. Or just take.

How To Use Psychology To Get Over Your Ex As Soon As Humanly Possible

How To Use Psychology To Get Over Your Ex As Soon As Humanly Possible

Want to know how to get over someone who dumped you? And rid yourself of those repeated thoughts of them?

First, let me make a comparison about getting over a breakup. When a person decides to give up a habit like smoking, they initially find it hard to get used to not being able to have this comfort around. The initial period is always the most difficult but as time passes, the person will eventually get used to not smoking and will also feel much better with their newfound lifestyle.

 

There are reasons why a person finds it difficult at first to give up their habit. One of the reasons may be because everything around them reminds them of their bad habit which they want to give up. It could be:

1.  Tea or coffee breaks during work when he or she used to light a cigarette
2.  The store he or she used to buy cigarette
3.  Friends who they hang around with who are also smokers

 

1. Identify the anchors preventing you from moving on from your ex.

I made the comparison with quitting a bad habit because it generates the same feeling as what someone suffering from a broken heart is going through.

People suffer because they keep on thinking about the person that dumped them. Right now, there are many things that cause you to think of your ex and it’s this constant remembering of your ex that is one of the reasons why it’s hard for you to move on ….and fall out of love with them.

People, in their mind, naturally develop associations or anchors between two events if those two events happened at the same time. This is also known as classical conditioning. When one association occurs, a person’s memory of the other thing will be immediately triggered.

Just like with our example of someone giving up smoking. They would, at first, find it tough at work during their break because he or she used to have a cigarette during that time. They would have already associated their work breaks with lighting a cigarette. This association would cause him to miss smoking more than what he normally would.

It’s the same scenario as relationships and trying to move on from a broken heart. When you go to a place you and your ex used to visit together (like the movie theatre or a park etc), this is what happens:

– You remember him or her
– And all the memories the two of you had together at that place

Your subconscious has already “associated” the place with your ex and this causes you to think of them, causing pain to you.

 

2.  Unwind the associations perpetuating your fixation with your ex.

We need to understand the dynamics of associations in classical conditioning in order to recognize them more clearly, and hence beat them.

Let’s take your favorite song or film from your childhood as an example. The film or song makes you think fondly about your childhood and it makes you happy.

There’s a positive association between the song or film and the memory. However, if you keep on watching the film or listening to the same song over and over more than a hundred times, you would eventually grow tired of it and all the good feelings it has given you would diminish.

So, in other words, you would now be hearing the song but you would no longer be thinking of the fond memories of your childhood (while listening to the song).

Thus, if we experience one association without its matching second association, then the association between the two will die and we will only remember each one on its own merit.

So, in other words, its possible for the associations in classical conditioning formed by your subconscious …to be broken.

If you train yourself to stop day-dreaming about your ex when an association occurs, that association will die. I advise that when an association presents itself (such as the park for example where you both used go for a walk together), you should make yourself think about the negative qualities that your ex has.

This way, when you think of a place or a song that you and your ex both love, it would make you like him or her less and less.

How To Finally Get Over Your Ex (Even If It Feels Impossible)

How To Finally Get Over Your Ex (Even If It Feels Impossible)

Having trouble getting over your ex?

Do you miss the way that they looked at you? The way that they smelled? The way their hand felt in yours?

Do you think you see them walking down the street when really it’s a stranger? Do you still hear certain music that reminds you of them?

When someone takes up so much of your life, it’s impossible to get over them in a day or two.

And while doing things like reading, walking, working out, journaling, and hanging out with friends can certainly be positive distractions, if you really want to deal with the root cause of the emotional pain you still feel you’ll have to do things a little bit differently.

 

A Personal Story Of Heart Break

I have a secret to confess…

I went through a break up that took me several years to get over.

She was intelligent, challenging, loving, kind, and absolutely beautiful. We dated for just over a year and the mark she left on my heart was undeniable.

I had imagined our futures together. Repeatedly. I pictured her smiling face looking up at me at our wedding. We had discussed what we would name our children.

I fell in love with her, hard. And one day it was all over.

It took several painful years to get over her. Years of hiding myself emotionally and engaging in surface level relationships.

I could have done it a lot sooner if I knew how to properly address what was really going on in my unconscious mind… and I want to help you get through things much faster, by laying out that process in this article.

 

The Chemical Process You Experience During A Break-Up

Emotions are one of the most addictive things available to you.

When you are in love with someone, your brain is hit with massive surges of dopamine (brain scans have shown that our minds follow very similar patterns when influenced by cocaine or nicotine).

When you no longer have access to your intimate partner (post-breakup), your brain doesn’t fall out of love with them… it simply continues to be in love with them, but you no longer have access to them.

And, like a crying baby who doesn’t have access to his mother that it so yearns for, our minds “rejector stimulus” is on overdrive.

We simultaneously feel the pain of abandonment, the deep craving for a “fix” of our drug (aka partner) of choice and our once-regular hits of dopamine and oxytocin are nowhere to be found.

In fact, immediately after a breakup, your happy chemicals are replaced with a flood of cortisol (stress hormone) and adrenaline. It’s almost as if your body is saying “Here’s a rush of energy… time to get up! Either work your ass off to get that one back, or go make yourself a more valuable partner and find someone else!”

Long story short, if you were hooked up to a brain scanner, your brain after a painful break up is highly similar to the brain of a drug addict in rehab.

 

Getting Over Your Ex – Do These Things First

1. Remind Yourself Of The Good, The Bad, And The Awful

Part of the reason we get stuck in processing our break up is that we idealize the relationship as a big collection of amazing, emotionally fulfilling times with very little downside. In reality, you fought frequently and there were core incompatibilities that drove you apart.

To get a more accurate view of your past relationship, journal about the things that you loved about the relationship, the things that bothered you about your ex, and your part in the downfall of the relationship.

 

2. Allow Yourself Space To Grieve By Yourself

Take a few days (at least) to sit with your emotions and let them move through you.

Every time you resist feeling an emotion it goes down to the basement to lift weights. So if you ignore the frustration, anger, resentment, hurt, or pain that is present in your body, it will only get stronger and come back louder than before until you listen to the signals.

 

3. Embody The ‘You’ That Felt The Most Stifled

In the vast majority of failed relationships, there is bound to be a part of you that felt like it was discouraged by your ex.