10 Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse To Watch Out For

Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse

Love is blind. In fact, it’s so blind that sometimes we can’t even see that we are in an abusive relationship.

It can be hard for us to realize the fact that the person we love so much, can sometimes have some dangerous and awful qualities. It seems unbelievable that the person we thought was so special and amazing could turn into someone so horrible in just a few minutes. But none of us are perfect. We all change and mature in different ways. Most of the times, a conflict can be sorted out with effective communication. But when you are in an abusive relationship, the best thing you can do is just leave. You should never be with a person who abuses you, whether physically or verbally.


Verbal abuse is still abuse

Abuse is not always physical or sexual in a relationship. When your partner constantly uses certain words to insult, demean, manipulate, dominate you and even make you afraid of them, then they are verbally abusing you. In fact, there are different patterns of verbal abuse which can make it harder for the abused to identify it.

Abuse comes in many forms, not all of which are physical. When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, or control someone, it’s considered verbal abuse. It can happen in all types of relationships, whether its a romantic or parent-child relationship, or even a professional one. Verbal abuse can severely affect your mental and emotional health and also lead to other health issues. Irrespective of what you think your fault may be, no one deserves to be abused.


Is it verbal abuse or just an argument?

Arguments happen in all relationships. That’s normal and healthy. We scream and shout, we fight and we may even say some mean things. But then we apologize and try to make things better. However, when you constantly feel down due to your partner’s words and it affects your self-esteem, then it is verbal abuse. That is not normal.

Here are a few red flags which can tell you that you are being verbally abused.

  • They humiliate and insult you repeatedly. They may later say it was all a joke and you are being too sensitive about it.
  • You are screamed and yelled at repeatedly by your partner.
  • You suddenly find yourself in an argument and get accused of starting it even though you didn’t.
  • The arguments lead to earlier unrelated issues or mistakes committed by you and make you defensive.
  • They act like the victim and put all the blame on you. You feel guilty every time.
  • They can be very socially charming, but behave very aggressively with you in a private space.
  • They try to control your decisions and intrude your personal space.
  • They act very aggressively and show tendencies of getting violent, but they never hit you. They act like they did not misbehave as they haven’t hurt you physically.

If you are unsure whether your partner abuses you verbally or if it is just a normal argument, then these 10 most common patterns of verbal abuse will help you find some clarification:

10 Common Patterns Of Verbal Abuse

1. Name-Calling

Are you addressed with insulting names by your partner? If your partner or family member shouts aggressive phrases while talking to you, then you are certainly being abused verbally. This is not a healthy way of communication in any relationship. In an abusive relationship, your partner will hurl insulting names at you until you comply to their demands. They may even just joke about it by calling you with humiliating pet names every day.


  • “Oh, you are just too dumb to understand anything.”
  • “This is the reason why everyone thinks you’re an idiot.

The Relationship Patterns of the Narcissist: Know the Signs

The Relationship Patterns of the Narcissist Know the Signs

“Just because something isn’t a lie does not mean that it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.” ― Criss Jami

If you had some kind of forewarning that you were about to enter into a relationship, that would consume you, to the point of your virtual destruction, would you still go through with it?

Unless you’re a masochist, the answer is probably no. Once you’ve been through a relationship with an emotional manipulator, it’s not something you will ever wish to repeat.

In emotionally healthy relationships you have both partners encouraging each other to stay through consistent acts of kindness, love and respect. They are dependable, responsible and maintain their own individuality and growth while encouraging the same for their partners.

Emotional manipulators operate on a different level. Because they themselves are emotionally damaged, they believe that they have to trick and manipulate their partners into staying with them and they do that through control. Early on a campaign of destruction in launched, meant to quash your autonomy and your self-esteem while isolating you from family and friends.

That’s why it’s important to identify these relationship patterns early. Early detection will allow you to know what you’re dealing with and to extricate yourself without investing so much time, effort, emotion and resources. I’ve compiled a pattern of behavior used by most Narcissists. When you recognize it, end it and get out as quickly as you can. Pass it on so others are aware of the patterns.


The Narcissist’s Pattern of Behaviors in Relationships

1) They Appear Larger than Life:

There is something special and unique about them, something that stands out. Even if they don’t have much going for them, you’re convinced it’s only temporary and with your help they could really be something. They reveal a little vulnerability, a slight character flaw, that you find incredibly appealing. They dazzle you so much that you’re left thinking, why would a guy or girl like this want me? (They all seem to have at least one special feature that they display prominently) “the bait,” If it’s intelligence, they astound you with their superior intellect. If it’s beauty you’re overwhelmed that they’d pick lil’ ole you, when they can have anyone they want. What you don’t realize is that this is act one of a very well rehearsed play.


2) They Seem Laser Focused on you:

In the early going, you don’t have to guess what they’re doing or thinking, because they are calling and texting you all the time. It seems as though they cannot get enough of you and you’re thinking, “Finally, here is someone that can give me the love I need and deserve.” They want to know everything about you. Even though you may have some self-esteem issues, you really like the you that they see. They like you so much that they’ve convinced you to start liking yourself and it all feels like a dream. You’ve got butterflies, you’re fantasizing about your future together. It’s like they’ve put you on a pedestal and that liking you is the in thing to do. You are feeling really happy and hopeful for the future.

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3) They Love Bomb You:

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never felt this connection to anyone before. I can’t believe what you’re doing to me, what you make me feel. I only want you. You’re the one.” Phrases like this allow them to deepen the connection and move really fast. This pretense is necessary to hook you and cement the relationship. What they want most is to hook you, that’s their end game. They will say whatever is necessary to have you thoroughly convinced that you will never meet anyone as wonderful as they are and that no one could ever make you feel this way.