Trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Rebuilding trust will take some time but without trust, surviving infidelity together might not be possible.
Ah yes, forgiveness. The tough one.
You have been betrayed by someone who swore to love you forever. They fell in love and/or had sex with someone else – how can one possibly forgive someone for such horrific behavior.
Furthermore, how can you forgive yourself for missing the signs, for being the kind of partner your person would turn away from, for being so unbelievably stupid for letting it happen?
Forgiveness after infidelity is possible. And understanding that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting is essential as well.
If your partner truly feels contrite, if they are willing to stay away from their partner and do everything that they can do to regain your trust, if they take accountability for their actions and are always honest with you, forgiveness is possible.
That being said, just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they are let off the hook. It doesn’t mean that you are accepting that what they did is okay. It means that you are recognizing that your partner is human, that humans make mistakes and that your life and your relationship is important enough to you to try to move forward together.
You don’t have to forget that the affair ever happened but if you can forgive your partner for their actions you have taken a big step towards surviving an affair together.
5. Getting to know each other again.
When an affair occurs, what is left is a huge chasm between partners.
Trust is gone, your person doesn’t act like your person, you question everything you ever thought to be true and you wonder if you can ever really know your person again.
An essential part of surviving infidelity together is making an effort to get to know each other again. There was a time you were in love with this person and perhaps it’s time to remember why.
Be willing to be 100% open about yourself to another person, like you were in the beginning so that you remember how and why you love them.
Make an effort to do things together – the things that you used to love doing together and new things that will be exciting and fun. Spend time with non-judgmental friends who love you as a couple. If you have kids, spend time together as a family.
Talk about the future, a future that you might share together.
Remember, you loved this person, and might still love them. Knowing this might be the key to surviving infidelity together.
Affairs are devastating and destructive. Surviving them as a couple is possible.
It is important that you follow the steps above, to cut the other person out of your life, to talk about what happened, to rebuild trust, to forgive and to get to know each other again.
It is also important if doing the things above aren’t helping you get through this, to get some professional help. An outside perspective on this situation, with a person who is well versed in healing after an affair, can be more than helpful. They might help you bridge a chasm that you just can’t traverse on your own.
I know that you are hurt. And good for you for reading this article and considering whether or not you want to try to save your relationship. It’s not for everybody, forgiving and moving on, but if it might be an option for you, I definitely encourage you to try it.
Maybe you can still have your happily ever after!
You May Also Like:
- Surviving Online Infidelity: Are Cyber Affairs Any Less Harmful?
- 3 Traits of Marriages That Survive Infidelity and how to know if yours is one
- What You Need To Know About Surviving Long Term Infidelity
- How You Can Rebuild, Realign and Save An Unhappy Marriage
- 3 Ways You’re Driving Your Husband Towards Infidelity (According To A Former Escort)