7 Things I Learned From Being Raised By A Narcissistic Mother

raised by narcissistic mother

6. You Are Brilliant, And The Right People Will See It.

You can try to bend forward, backward or sideways but some people will never be able to see your brilliance. Not because of you, but because of them.

Ines tried so many times to escape her depression and get rid of her chronic anxiety. Unfortunately, she was bullied at school and physically abused at home. By the time she became an adult, she didn’t dare open her mouth anymore. She was extremely shy, suffered from an eating disorder and chronic pain. Still, she knew that once she found her way out, she wanted to help other victims of abuse.

In her case, the only possible way to heal implied cutting off her violent mother and reconnecting with herself miles away from her family. Her siblings couldn’t understand her choice and criticized her, but she didn’t quit. Little by little she reconnected with who she was: a brilliant, positive, powerful young woman. Today, she is happily married, has two amazing kids, and helps a victim of trauma.

She is even starting to write her first book. She finally feels strong enough to share her message of hope, and the right people will connect with what she has to say.


Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself three things you appreciate about yourself. It might be hard at first, but it will get easier over time.

7. It’s Your Time To Shine! And It Can Be Safe Too.

Are you hiding in plain sight? Are you present in the world and at the same time totally invisible, or at least not showing your true self? It makes so much sense. As human beings, our number one priority is to survive.

For Sandy, life was never a safe place. Her mom was a perverse narcissist, and later on, her husband was an abusive alcoholic. Sandy was a sensitive old soul with magical healing powers. Of course, consciously she wanted to be herself, but she didn’t feel safe. She spent many years hiding in a job she hated. She avoided relationships with men for fear they would hurt her. On the outside, she was this bubbly, happy blond executive.

On the inside, she was a wounded being who came to me with pain in most of her body. It takes some time to heal these kinds of wounds. It takes energy and courage to try again and again. It’s about letting go of the pain and about creating new possibilities, one step at a time.

For Sandy, it started by reconnecting with her inner child and falling back in love with herself. The next step was to let go of a toxic relationship. And the next is to find a job where she can express herself fully. She will find it.

Related: Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers: 7 Ways They Grow Differently


Abracadabra! Let the magic happen. In one year, you can achieve your dreams. What are you dreaming about? How will being visible help you? What is the first step you can take today that will get you closer to your dreams?

 If you are tired of feeling anxious and stressed and are ready to be confidently yourself, visit my website to schedule a complimentary 30 minutes Getting Unstuck Discovery Session www.fabyoulicious.com/schedule

Written by Dr. Fabienne Slama
Originally appeared in Medium
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3 thoughts on “7 Things I Learned From Being Raised By A Narcissistic Mother”

  1. Avatar of Des

    Thank you so much for writing this. Unfortunately, I know all too well how violent narcissists can get when threatened. My mother used her childhood trauma as a means of absolving herself of all guilt for how she treated me and my brother since she didn’t do to us what her mother did to her. To this day, I am very sensitive to touch, and I react quickly when I feel my boundaries are being crossed.

    I have finally started to grieve my childhood, and while it has been painful in many ways (the mind/body connection is real), I feel that I am taking real steps to be able to have real love in my life. I’ve been able to be more honest with my friends and supportive family members, and it’s helping me have deeper, more enriching relationships with them.

  2. Avatar of Maureen Banks

    thank you for your article! my mother was a narcissist supreme, i smiled thru your whole article. we have much in common. the feelings of worthlessness, uselessness to her are overwhelming at times. i had allot of physical violence unfortunately, growing up. I’ve done alot of work thru out my life, self-help, therapy, DBT groups, etc.,& i can still be affected to this day butt i keep on moving forward towards healing & health with my mom. she is 76 now i know to keep her safely at an arms length, for my own well being. it’s lonely at times, not really what you day dream of when you think about mothers but at least I’ve got one! I’m grateful for that! glass half full! some folks have no mother!

  3. Avatar of Kellie Ingram

    That would have been too obvious. It was a low-level dismissive statement, nice enough to sound like she was concerned for me and hurtful enough to still impact my self-esteem yearrs later. I have been trying to explain this. But always fall short. Insanely accurate … Ty

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