5 SuperPowers That Survivors of Emotional Abuse Uniquely Possess

5 SuperPowers That Survivors of Emotional Abuse Uniquely Possess

5. Willingness/capacity to evolve a relationship into mature levels of true intimacy:

An empathic survivor generally knows what it takes to experience a healthy love relationship. This understanding includes the awareness that at some point the infatuation stage will peter out and the roll-up-your sleeves work of true intimacy (and the “you left the toothpaste cap off” frustrations) of really getting to know one another on a deeper level unfold.

Remember that extreme emotional abusers tend to home in on folks who know how to do the work of relationships past the shiny high of infatuation, including all the messy and not fun work of paying bills, child-rearing, house-tending, etc. We know that extreme abusers do not have the capacity to evolve the relationship to a higher, more mature level and stay stuck in cycles of idealize/devalue/discard.

Survivors, however, can and do move on to experience healthy relationships in love, work and family with healthy others who are able to reciprocate deeper levels of emotional vulnerability and trust-building.

So you see, there is great hope for survivors of emotional abuse to heal! The very qualities that were draws for abusers are also draws for emotionally healthy people. When survivors do the healing work of trauma recovery in psychotherapy, they move forward to gather stronger powers of discernment as well. When a survivor encounters a potential abuser, often times the “Nar Dar” Alert goes off as the survivor fine-tunes their capacity to engage in healthy connections with others post recovery.

Most important for survivors in recovery from narcissistic abuse is to connect with competent and compassionate helping professionals who are licensed to provide psychotherapy for relationship trauma; broaden and deepen healthy social support tribe; ramp up self-care regimens, and to fully own and practice the Super Powers that have been uniquely bestowed upon them.

Here’s to healing! Namaste,

By Andrea Schneider

Printed with permission Originally appeared on Andrea Schneider.com

SuperPowers That Survivors of Emotional Abuse Uniquely Possess
5 SuperPowers That Survivors of Emotional Abuse Uniquely Possess

9 thoughts on “5 SuperPowers That Survivors of Emotional Abuse Uniquely Possess”

  1. Explains a lot of my personality. Has not been easy being labeled the doormat or whipping boy in my life time. But I do see my strengths now. Thank you.

  2. I didn’t realize these were my superpowers! Thank you for this! ❤Empathy, integrity, problem solving and authenticity. Great skills developed over a lifetime of dealing with a narcissistic abusive mother. I’ll be passing this on to my other sisters.

  3. Thank you Andrea, this was a really supportive and uplifting article. Yes, I do have those superpowers :). I was in a relationship with a narcissist and thankfully left after 1,5 years of emotional and physical abuse. It helped me discover that I was growing up with a narcissistic parent, so it kind of opened the doors to deeper healing and understanding of my patterns. I wrote an article about it here:
    https://medium.com/@ivatarle_51687/i-chose-myself-and-learned-the-biggest-life-lesson-from-ending-an-abusive-relationship-2b65d7c2e5e4

    1. Thank you Iva for sharing your story with us. We read your article too, and it was heartfelt and very interesting.
      We were wondering if you could contribute such articles on our website too. I am sure our readers would love to read them

  4. I agree that co-dependency is not the essence of narcissistic abuse. Anyone can become duped and trapped in this quagmire, There might be situational vulnerability and being at the wrong place at the wrong time. My son is married to a malignant narc who has abused both of us but is blindsided and defends her behaviour. She is so manipulative that she exploits and objectifies my son which has been very costly financially but since he is addicted–like heroin, he will do whatever it takes to get that fix–even when abusive towards me. My son has been goal oriented but faces the possibility of not realising his dreams as a scientist in order to keep her happy, He benefits from the relationship–especially during bouts of idealisation, love bombing, etc., I have observed her devaluing him in public which was not modelled in my home–even as a single parent. Andrea S points out in her book that narc attachment is not true intimacy and because of lack of empathy and manipulation, narcs have no problem devaluing/discarding people because they are viewed as “toys” to be thrown away when looking for new supply to give them their fix (as junkies). Healthy intimate relationships require hard work with give and take. This is the essence of arguing that many targets who are educated and goal oriented are not true co-dependents and learn how to recognise toxic people down the road. Not easy but can happen but NO CONTACT is the way to regain self and get the drug out of targets’ system. A good therapist trained in trauma has to facilitate the target’s recovery. Targets will also have to drop a few friends who do not get it and further traumatise them.

  5. So good to see an empowering article. As a survivor myself, the whole codependent theory can leave us with self doubt and depression. Assholes are assholes. It’s as simple as that really.

    1. My son is married to a narc and we have both been abused but he is blindsided and defends the behaviour. I recognised my DIL as an asshole shortly after I met her face to face……Very covert and manipulative. This has destroyed our family. I am a target of narcissism as a parent and struggling to maintain a relationship with my son with quality time. My DIL is not allowed in my house and I have a NO CONTACT boundary. I am working on the concept to agree to disagree with my son and each of us left to our own devices because we will not change each others minds on this issue. My son has not fully grasped this but working with a coach on better communication and boundary setting. He is not a co-dependent but trapped in this quagmire and will have to find his bottom and work on himself.

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