How to strengthen boundaries against toxic people in your life
There are no shortage of toxic people, rather it is an epidemic: People who do not take responsibility for their energy or self-development, people who are addicted to drama and conflict as their ‘pay off’, and worse, on the extreme end are narcissists and sociopaths. These are disordered individuals (predatory personalities) who feed off emotional charge and chaos that that they themselves consciously and maliciously manufacture. A living nightmare for us highly sensitive people and especially us empaths who have deeply porous natures with a strong inclination to support and help others.
Without strong boundaries in place (which come from speaking our truth and saying No consistently) we are an easy target to be taken advantage of.
We must actively work to protect and strengthen our boundaries against those who lack empathy and a conscience. These individuals are also driven by misogynic behaviour as their main weapon of choice is emotional manipulation – hidden violence, abuse and oppression of our feminine being. They come in the form of covert and overt bullies, they can be friends, family, partners, bosses or co-workers, even strangers.
For some of us empaths and highly sensitive people, it is our life long work to practice identifying our needs as opposed to meeting the needs of others as a default. We can call this our warrior training! Only we can create consciousness around our boundaries and take an active stance in marking healthy ones in every interaction!
Developing strong boundaries through a thorough self care practice is the antidote.
This is not about self love and healing. For us empaths, it is about survival!
Of the sensitive women who I’ve had the privilege to coach, relationship trauma has been at the root of their troubles. A key element has been issues with creating and upholding boundaries! The work is mainly around the second chakra (intimacy and connection), third (personal power and confidence), fourth (self-love and often undigested grief) and fifth chakras (speaking our truth – especially to people with toxic behaviours that stem from patriarchy and misogyny).
In yoga, the medicine first begins with oneself.
The questions to ask ourselves is: Where do I need boundaries in my own behaviours and actions? Whether this relates to the food that we consume or the harsh words that we say to ourselves, for it is how we treat ourselves, what we ingest, that teaches others how to behave with us. (We all know this fact! But the reminder and encouragement is forever needed as we are always in process!) The inner work must be attended to as much as the outer work. This does not stop toxic energies from entering our personal field, but builds awareness and resilience to confront and take right action towards it.
Consciously choose people who have a dominance of ‘sattva‘ in their natures – those who are pure in their hearts and hold good intentions for you. Trust your intuition and ask yourself what do I need to feel safe in relationship to others?
Remember, that I am here to support your warrior’s path, to help you trust your inner wisdom and awaken your powerful roar!
Here are 5 Quotes to Encourage you to Create and Strengthen Boundaries Against Toxic People
1) When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition.
— Shahida Arabi
2) True compassion is having boundaries and holding others accountable.
— Brené Brown
3) I believe that you take the action, and THEN the insight follows—I do loving things for me, stroke my own shoulder, put myself down for a short nap, and the insight follows: that I am a wild precious woman, a human merely being, as E. E. Cummings put it, deserving of respect, tenderness, protection, delight, and solidarity.
—Anne Lamott
4) Meditation will be one of the most powerful tools in your self-care toolbox because it is something that you can do for the rest of your life, on your own, at any time, for any duration of time and for no cost.
— Shahida Arabi
5) Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end. And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, ‘If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.’ And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.
— Audre Lorde
Read also
5 Ways You Feel When In A Toxic Relationship
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