“If people think I’m not worthy of respect, then do they think I’m worthless?”
Reject the answers that are not based on reality. You can learn to see the world as it is, not how you want it to be.
Related article – 10 Powerful Confucius Quotes That Will Change Your Perspective On Life
TOUGH LIFE FACT #3:
Emotions do not have to rule your actions. Just because you experience negative emotions, such as anger, defensiveness, fear of rejection, doesn’t trap you into acting on them.
I explore this in-depth in my book, IMAGINE THAT! Igniting Your Brain for Creativity and Peak Performance. Here are the highlights.
Most people never think about, examine, or learn from their feelings. Nor do they realize that what and how they think creates the very feelings they don’t want to examine. And, because they have never examined the nature of their feelings, they mistakenly and often destructively let those feelings determine their behavior.
We need to get rid of the unrealistic and outdated notion that feelings determine what we do.
They do not. When we are freed from that myth, we discover that unpleasant feelings
are not simply troublesome, they are informative.
— David K. Reynolds, A Handbook for Constructive living
Feelings not only assist you in knowing yourself, but they also give you the opportunity to be authentic and connect deeply with others. Negative feelings are often the signpost for you to learn about and resolve old issues.
Expressing your negativity to others can be life-diminishing, hurtful, or just plain boring. Unless you are with a coach, therapist, or someone who is willing to listen, don’t do it! Your fear-based feelings do not have to determine your actions—ever. In and of themselves, feelings are never the problem. They are a natural part of being human. Learn from them. Use them. Refuse to let them use you.
Because you have very little control over your feelings, you are not responsible for the way you feel. Conversely, because you do have control over your actions, you are both responsible and accountable for your actions and the results of those actions. You do not have to let your actions be dictated by your feelings and, regardless of how you feel, you can always choose what action to take or not take.
Related article – 11 Promises You Should Make to Yourself and Keep
Learn to be aware of and accept your feelings. Then use them as a source of information for your growth.
Related article – Brené Brown’s Powerful Quotes on Accepting Yourself Whole-Heartedly
TOUGH LIFE FACT #4:
When you take things personally, you unconsciously agree with what is said.
Once you agree, you have trapped yourself by your assumption that everything is about you. You have let your ego rule your mind. You have fallen into the trap of ‘selfishness.’
Related article – Dissolving Ego: 4 Signs Your Ego Is Disintegrating
Realize that what people do and say is because of themselves, their programming, their conditioning, their beliefs.
Everyone and I mean EVERYONE lives in their own reality. When you take it personally, you erroneously assume that the other person lives in your world and has your beliefs. When you take it personally, you have the need to be right and make the other person wrong.
Do you want to be ‘right’ or, do you ‘want to be happy’? Any suffering or blame you experience by feeling threatened by someone else’s opinion is based on your ego. You are always at choice. Give it a break.
People will love you. People will hate you. And
none of it will have anything to do with you. — Abraham Hicks
TOUGH LIFE FACT #5:
It takes true grit to challenge your assumptions about what you believe to be true.
You are taking things personally because on some level you agree with whatever was said. As soon as you agree, the poison spreads through you, and you are trapped in your illusion of personal importance and selfishness. The reality is that everything is NOT about you.