7. Conflicts upset you
People pleasers fear anger and upsetting other people. So if you are a people pleaser, making someone angry can ultimately mean that you’ve failed to please them. In order to avoid such circumstances, you might rush to apologize or do whatever you think will fix the situation.
So now that you know if you are a people pleaser or not here is how to stop pleasing people and still be nice.
5 Rules For People Pleasers
Rule No. 1: Show kindness when you actually want to
One of the best ways to stop people-pleasing is to show intentional kindness. It’s important to show kindness when you actually mean to. Before you agree to help anyone make sure there is no motive for seeking approval. Kindness is not a means to earn approval.
Keep a check on how it actually makes you feel. Kindness doesn’t have any ultimate motive of making things better for someone else.
Rule No. 2: Put yourself first
It is important to put yourself first and remember to put your needs first. If you don’t take care of yourself it can become impossible for you to help other people. Putting yourself first is not selfish, it is actually healthy. Keep in mind that this can involve offering your opinions in a work meeting or addressing the feelings and emotions that you really feel to the person concerned.
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Rule No. 3: Set boundaries for yourself
It’s important to set boundaries and decide what you can and can’t do. This is an important step to overcome this behavior. The next time someone asks for your help, consider asking the following questions to yourself:
- Do I really want to do this?
- Is there time in my schedule to participate in it?
- Is it making me feel happy or resentful?
So if you are wondering how to stop pleasing and still be nice then set boundaries for yourself and stick to it.
Rule No. 4: Keep a check on being manipulated
Some people are just too nice to notice that they are being manipulated. And some other people are just amazing at taking advantage of this. Statements like “oh you are such a lovely chef, why don’t you cook for your son’s birthday?” or “there’s no one who does it better than you” can be a sign where someone is taking advantage of you.
Pay attention to the people who actually care about you and the people who are around just to take advantage of you.
Rule No. 5: Talk to a professional
Sometimes we are not always capable of figuring things out by ourselves. A therapist can help you to understand what is actually triggering the symptoms. They will help you to devise a treatment plan if there are any underlying conditions associated with your people pleasing behavior. Even if the cause is unclear they can offer coping strategies to deal with the issues.
To conclude, we are unique individuals destined to do so many great things. Showing kindness is always nice but make sure that isn’t getting in the way of what you want to do. Decide to give yourself a priority and decline whatever you don’t wish to do politely.