5 Steps To Stop Feeling Insecure After Your Spouse Cheated

 / 

,
Stop Feeling Insecure After Spouse Cheated

Are you feeling insecure after your spouse cheated? Did the person you swore who would love you forever betray you by having an affair? Has your self-esteem been decimated and do you find yourself circling the drain in more ways than one?

Donโ€™t worry! You are not alone. Many people suffer from feeling insecure after their partner cheats.

Fortunately, there are steps that you can take that will help you manage that insecurity and move forward with your head held high.

5 Steps To Stop Feeling Insecure After Your Spouse Cheated:

1. Donโ€™t blame yourself.

Are you blaming yourself for your partner cheating? Are you feeling like if you were just nicer, or prettier, or more successful, they wouldnโ€™t have cheated? Do you believe that your perceived deficiencies are why your partner was unfaithful?

I can promise you, here and now โ€“ you are not at fault for your partner cheating. There are two people in every relationship and, yes, there are often issues that arise between them but that doesnโ€™t mean that people are given a license to cheat.

In a healthy relationship, issues are addressed and put to bed before they become bigger than life.

That being said, you are in the same troubled relationship with your spouse and you didnโ€™t cheat. You were strong enough to keep your vows even as your relationship foundered.

If anything, you are the one who should hold their head high because you acted with integrity instead of cowardice. They did not.

Read 15 Surprising Things You Didnโ€™t Know About Cheating in Relationships

2. Face it head on.

Many people who have been cheated on struggle to face what happened head on.

Sometimes they donโ€™t confront their partners, worried that if they do, they will get a confirmation that they really donโ€™t want to hear. Sometimes, once they do receive the said confirmation, they donโ€™t address it any further, hoping that if they just ignore it, it will go away. Sometimes, they donโ€™t tell their friends or family because they are so embarrassed and they hold what happened and their emotions inside.

It is important that, if you are feeling insecure after your spouse cheated, you face it head-on. That you talk directly to your partner about what happened, why, and how. To ask the questions that you need to ask and process the answers in a way that will help you deal with it.

It is also important that you share what has happened with someone you trust. I am not telling you to broadcast what happened to the neighborhood, but confiding in a friend or family member will give you a sounding board on which to process.

If you canโ€™t face this directly you will keep all your anger and hurt and fear inside. Any chance of fixing things with your spouse will be impossible because the issue isnโ€™t being addressed. The knowledge that your spouse cheated and that you did nothing to address it will eat you up inside, making you feel more insecure every day.

A strong person who faces adversity head on is not an insecure person. Quite the opposite, indeed.

3. Soul search.

In the same way that I suggest that you face what happened head on with your partner, so I encourage you to dig deep and do some soul searching about how you got to this place. How your marriage got to a place where your partner cheated.

When my ex cheated on me, I was devastated. While I donโ€™t blame myself for his cheating, in retrospect, I have realized that I helped create the petri dish in which my partnerโ€™s infidelity developed.

I was contemptuous of him, always questioning why he did or didnโ€™t do things. We lived apart often, because of work or the kids. We never had sex. I was always in charge, etc.

None of these things made him feel loved or respected and eventually he met someone who make him feel both. And he left.

In my current relationship, I have worked hard to not create an atmosphere where my partner would look elsewhere for love or affection. I work hard to communicate instead of being passive aggressive and treating my guy with contempt. I make sure we have sex and that the power in the relationship is even.

Itโ€™s not always easy because old habits are hard to break, but doing so has kept our relationship strong and infidelity-proof.

So, take some time and do some soul searching. Are you happy with who you are in your relationship? Would doing some work on yourself help you be a better partner (in this relationship or in the next)? Is the life that you are living honestly what you want it to be? Knowing more about yourself will help you stop feeling insecure after your spouse cheated.

Read 5 Questions To Ask Yourself If Youโ€™ve Caught Your Spouse Cheating

4. Take care of yourself.

For many of us, when we learn that a partner cheated, we sink into a very dark place.

Because we have been betrayed by the person who was closest to us, our ability to function in the world can be compromised. And when that happens, the healthy behaviors that we might have practiced in the past can be sabotaged.

Tell me the truth โ€“ has your time since you discovered that your partner cheated been filled with exercise and salads, or ice cream and binge watching TV? If you answered the second, you are not alone. I have personally spent a lot of time on the couch mourning a betrayal.

It is important that, to stop feeling insecure after your partner cheated, you take care of yourself. That you get exercise, eat well and sleep. That you spend time with people who love you. That you do things in the world that give you joy. That you dig into your job so that you can hold your head up at work well done.

Eating ice cream, sleepless nights and stalking your partnerโ€™s lover on Instagram will only cause you pain. Which will lead to more ice cream, weight gain and a plummeting self-esteem.

So, get yourself out there. Take walks with your friends, eat food that makes your body feel strong and spend time with people who know how awesome you are.

The best revenge is being happy and healthy in spite of what your loser partner did.

5. Donโ€™t settle.

Are you considering staying with your person after they cheated? Are you worried about the kids or your community or your finances or what your parents might think? Are you staying with your spouse for any reason other than the fact that you love them and truly want things to work out?

If the answer to my question is the first and not the second then I would encourage you to think hard before you make this decision. This is the rest of your life that you are talking about. And life is short and being happy is important.

Imagine waking up every day, for the rest of your life, next to the person you havenโ€™t forgiven and no longer love. Imagine Christmas mornings and weddings and anniversaries spent next to someone you donโ€™t respect. Imagine sitting across from them at a dinner table and making small talk.

Now imagine waking up every day for the rest of your life with someone you love and respect. Imagine Christmases and weddings and anniversaries with someone you can trust. Imagine sitting across from them at a dinner table and feeling a rush of love.

How amazing would that be?

Being in a relationship with someone we love and trust, and who loves and trusts us back, is an excellent way to boost our self-esteem. Seeing how wonderful we are in the eyes of another lifts us up in a way nothing else can.

So, think carefully before you decide the next steps. You deserve to be happy and you are the only one who can make that happen. Donโ€™t settle!

Working to stop feeling insecure after your spouse cheated can be very difficult. You have been betrayed and there is nothing worse in a relationship.

Fortunately, there are things that you can do to rebuild your self-esteem after your spouse cheats. First and foremost, donโ€™t blame yourself. You didnโ€™t cheat. Face the infidelity head-on instead of burying it deep. Take good care of yourself. Do some soul searching about what you want in life and in relationships and donโ€™t settle. Never settle.

This is a horribly difficult time for you but you can get through it intact and move forward to live the life you want. I promise.

Originally published on letyourdreamsbegin.com


Stop Feeling Insecure After Spouse Cheated pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

10 Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: How To Tell If Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: Beyond the Obvious

If you are googling “surprising and unexpected signs of cheating” at 2 in the morning, then you’ve come to the right place. Well, we all have been there. Suspicion and doubt can sneak up like an uninvited guest when it comes to your spouse; something tells you that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it.

When it comes to infidelity, it’s not always about the lipstick on the collar or mysterious phone calls at night. There can be many subtle signs of cheating that you might overlook and miss out on.

So go grab some coffee (or something stronger) and explore all the hidden signs you spouse



Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.



Up Next

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? 6 Things A Narcissistic Partner Might Say

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? Statements

How does a narcissist act when caught cheating? If you have ever been with a narcissist, you know what happens when a narcissist is caught cheating, and all the absurd things they say to justify their actions. Let’s explore 6 statements a narcissists makes when a narcissist gets caught cheating.

KEY POINTS

A narcissistic partner may routinely say six things when they are caught cheating.

These statements are manipulative and are meant to get you to believe that you are the one at fault.

An understanding of how these statements influence your judgment may help.



Up Next

How To Get Over Emotional Cheating:ย 10 Practical Tips

Practical Tips On How To Get Over Emotional Cheating

Finding out that the person you love the most is in love with someone else can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences. Emotional cheating can not only shatter a relationship, but it can also traumatize and emotionally break the other partner. Letโ€™s learn how to get over emotional cheating and start the healing process

What Does Emotional Cheating Mean?

Also known as emotional infidelity or emotional affair, it refers to a relationship where one person falls in love with, becomes emotionally intimate or develops a romantic bond with someone else outside their primary relationship or marriage.



Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadowsโ€”figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes



Up Next

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? 18 Reasons Why They Cheat (And Why They Don’t)

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? Reasons They Can Be

Can a narcissist be faithful? This question delves into the intricate world of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the complex dynamics of relationships involving narcissists. 

Understanding the psychology behind this topic is crucial for those who have encountered or are currently involved with narcissistic individuals. Let us explore the nature of narcissism, the reasons why a narcissist can be unfaithful, as well as the factors that might lead them to exhibit faithfulness. 

Can a Narcissist be Faithful in a Relationship?

Can a narcissist be faithful? This is a nuanced question and doesn’t really have a straightforward answer.



Up Next

The 3 Least Loyal Zodiac Signs Who Seem Allergic To Commitment

Three Least Loyal Zodiac Signs: A Guide To Avoid Red Flag

The precious bond that fortifies connections and defines true devotion is loyalty. But these three least loyal zodiac signs are masters of unpredictability, challenging the very essence of commitment.

While the zodiac can offer insights into our strengths and weaknesses, it’s also known for pointing out our less desirable traits. 

Brace yourself, for we’re about to unveil the truth about the least loyal zodiac signs. From the silver screen to real life, these signs have left a trail of disloyalty that’s hard to ignore. 

So, if you’re ready to dive into the drama, let’s explore the traits of these most disloyal zodiac signs!

Read more he