How to Stop Envying Others Seemingly Perfect Lives And Start Enjoying Your Own

stop envying others seemingly

Once you’ve stopped yourself from wallowing and obsessing, next dig into what the root cause of feeling envious was. I like to begin this with compassion and a gentle inquiry.

Ask yourself:

  • What does she have that I want?
  • Why do I really want that?
  • And what would that give me?
  • How would I feel if I had it?
  • What ways can I experience that same emotion?
  • Where do I have traces of what she has? Present in my life right now?
  • How can I work towards getting what it is I want?

Use a mix of curiosity and honesty to discover your answer. Dig into the deeper reasons envy or jealousy may have surfaced. If you’re struggling with that, one of my favorite ways to do this is what I call the “Five Shades of Why”. A way to find both your surface answers. And the deeper ones.

When you get to the truth of what caused the green-eyed monster to surface, you have the key of how to stop being envious.

Once you know why you’re experiencing envy, you can take action from a place of empowerment. And trust me, acting from a place of empowerment trumps reacting out of sheer emotion.

Here’s where you can make magic in your own life. If you want to know how to stop being envious. And use the knowledge as a path to loving your life more. Then you must know this secret way to transform envy into a life you love more:

  • Own the truths you discover and acknowledge what you really crave.
  • Create a plan to get what you want.
  • Take the first baby step towards getting what you desire.

This is effective for everything you may envy. And allows you to use an emotion that feels icky and can be destructive as a force of good in your life.

I want you to notice that I didn’t bring up counting your blessings as how to stop being envious. That’s because despite knowing that gratitude is a great way to love your life more when you’re feeling a rotten emotion like envy, it’s easy to slip into shaming yourself.

Sure, you may know you have a lot of great things in your life. But that doesn’t mean you don’t desire – and deserve – more. Yes, feeling envious is rotten. And your inner critic may try to shame you for falling prey to such a crappy and destructive emotion.

Please don’t do that, my dear. You are simply being human. And none of us can escape that.

Related: 10 Little Habits that Steal Your Happiness

If for any reason you find yourself back to coveting or obsessing over any one person, in particular, stop and breathe. Remind yourself that everyone. And I mean everyone. Posts more of the highlights from their lives rather than the crappy middle of trying to get there.

Once you get through the emotional roller-coaster that envy can cause, channel this into loving your own, imperfect life. Because you, my darling, deserve to live a life that is loving, nourishing, and full of all kinds of goodness.

Debra Smouse is a life coach and author who has been published in Time, Huffington Post, MSN, Psychology Today, and more. She knows that the path to loving your life begins with an uncluttered mind.  Snag a free workbook with life hacks on how to love YOUR life.


Written by Debra Smouse
Originally appeared in Debra Smouse
How to Stop Envying Others Seemingly Perfect Lives
How to Stop Envying Others’ Seemingly Perfect Lives And Start Enjoying Your Own
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How to Stop Envying Others Seemingly Perfect Lives And Start Enjoying Your Own
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Debra Smouse

Debra Smouse is a life coach and author who has been published in Time, Huffington Post, MSN, Psychology Today, and more. She knows that the path to loving your life begins with an uncluttered mind.  Snag a free workbook with life hacks on how to love YOUR lifeView Author posts