We Often Stay In Abusive Relationships Because of Trauma Bonding

 December 15, 2017

Victims stay in these relationships despite of the stress on their bodies, because often it isn’t clear to them what the problems really are. Through gaslighting, control, and intermittent love, the abuser has their partner backed into a corner of self-blame and desperation of trying to win back the affection of the person they love.

Unfortunately, for many people, when they try to leave these relationships they are so bonded to their abuser that they return. Others don’t try to leave at all, and are only freed from the clutches of the abuse when they are discarded.

An abusive relationship with a narcissist or psychopath tends to follow the same pattern: idealization, devaluation, and discarding. At some point, the victim will be so broken, the abuser will no longer get any benefit from using them. They may have totally bankrupted them, or destroyed their confidence, or worse, and they move on to their next target.

However, once they are gone, the victim — or survivor as Thomas calls them at this point — can finally start coming round to the idea they were abused. They can grieve, and finally see the damage that was being done, and realize it wasn’t their fault.

That’s when the healing can really begin, Thomas says, and the survivor can realize that they were targeted not because they were weak, but because they had so much to give.

These are the signs you might be in a trauma bond with someone, according to Psych Central:

  • A constant pattern of nonperformance — your partner promises you things, but keeps behaving to the contrary.
  • Others are disturbed by something that is said or done to you in your relationship, but you brush it off.
  • You feel stuck in the relationship because you see no way out.
  • You keep having the same fights with your partner that go round in circles with no real winner.
  • You’re punished or given the silent treatment by your partner when you say or do something “wrong.”
  • You feel unable to detach from your relationship even though you don’t truly trust or even like the person you’re in it with.
  • When you try and leave, you are plagued by such longing to get back with your partner you feel it might destroy you.

Written by Lindsay Dodgson

Source  Business InsiderUK

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One comment on “We Often Stay In Abusive Relationships Because of Trauma Bonding

  1. Your article was very informative. I. Am a survivor of a abusive marriage of 8 years. Along with trauma of losing my two children . In 2008 reunited with both . Also, a diagnosis of PTSD, severe depression, anxiety. My second long term relationship was with a narcissist, did not know at the time just recently have read your article on the subject and realized that was exactly what he was. In addition he also had issues with sexual abuse which my beautiful daughter phad suffered. The story. Is heart breaking upon our reuion she was 15 at the time. She did not come to me til she was 21 years old. I try to not blame myself how could I of not seen it looking back. But though he was never physically abusive the mental abuse was. Our 13 year relationship ended that horrible night my daughter finally came to me well actually her girlfriend at that time said something to me about him doing that with my daughter but I took the correct steps and he will never be in my life. It would be helpful if a article about your child being a narcissist/ sociaph, this term not used so much now. I have read on tips to deal with the disorder. But more information I would love. My son is now 30. He lives with me. But it has been better. But it saddens me because the only way I deal with him is to avoid, and redirect. I miss not being able to trust. Thank you for sharing. Hope to see a article. Thank you. J.B

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