Victims stay in these relationships despite of the stress on their bodies, because often it isn’t clear to them what the problems really are. Through gaslighting, control, and intermittent love, the abuser has their partner backed into a corner of self-blame and desperation of trying to win back the affection of the person they love.
Unfortunately, for many people, when they try to leave these relationships they are so bonded to their abuser that they return. Others don’t try to leave at all, and are only freed from the clutches of the abuse when they are discarded.
An abusive relationship with a narcissist or psychopath tends to follow the same pattern: idealization, devaluation, and discarding. At some point, the victim will be so broken, the abuser will no longer get any benefit from using them. They may have totally bankrupted them, or destroyed their confidence, or worse, and they move on to their next target.
However, once they are gone, the victim — or survivor as Thomas calls them at this point — can finally start coming round to the idea they were abused. They can grieve, and finally see the damage that was being done, and realize it wasn’t their fault.
That’s when the healing can really begin, Thomas says, and the survivor can realize that they were targeted not because they were weak, but because they had so much to give.
These are the signs you might be in a trauma bond with someone, according to Psych Central:
- A constant pattern of nonperformance — your partner promises you things, but keeps behaving to the contrary.
- Others are disturbed by something that is said or done to you in your relationship, but you brush it off.
- You feel stuck in the relationship because you see no way out.
- You keep having the same fights with your partner that go round in circles with no real winner.
- You’re punished or given the silent treatment by your partner when you say or do something “wrong.”
- You feel unable to detach from your relationship even though you don’t truly trust or even like the person you’re in it with.
- When you try and leave, you are plagued by such longing to get back with your partner you feel it might destroy you.
Written by Lindsay Dodgson
Source Business InsiderUK
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