10 Ways To Stand Up To Your Inner Scapegoat

 / 

, ,
Ways Stand Up To Inner Scapegoat

When you have always been scapegoated by your toxic parents, you gradually develop an inner scapegoat. But in order to live a happy and peaceful life, it’s important for you to learn some tips when it comes to healing the inner scapegoat. You can’t spend the rest of your life feeling unhappy and not good enough just because someone else thinks so, right?

Have you ever attended a stand-up comedy show where the comic had to deal with a heckler? Occasionally the heckling is deserved, especially if the comic is mean-spirited or – at worst – hateful. More often than not though, heckling is a form of bullying. In other words, cowardly and abusive ‘hit and run’ behavior.

The same can be said about the Inner Critic – aka the Inner Scapegoat. What or who is the Inner Scapegoat? It’s that nagging, scolding, critical voice of self-doubt that undermines your self-worth to the core. Just when you are trying to put your best foot forward, the heckler starts whispering or even shouting in your ear.

If you find yourself thinking things like “Why try, I’ll just blow it”, “Here I go again making a fool of myself”, “Nobody could love me if they really knew who I am”, etc., it’s the Inner Scapegoat that’s pulling the strings.

When people say they are their own worst enemy, it’s usually the Inner Scapegoat they are referring to. The problem is, that many people confuse that negative voice with the truth. The only ‘true’ undeniable thing is that when the Inner Scapegoat is calling the shots, we can’t help but feel destined to fail.

Related: The Masters Of Blame Shifting: Why Narcissists Never Become The Scapegoat

A Brief History Of The Inner Scapegoat

Where does the Inner Scapegoat come from? It doesn’t come out of a vacuum but from the experience of how well you are nurtured. Somewhere along the journey of life, usually starting in childhood, the voice of negative self-criticism began to take hold.

Sadly, this self-doubt tends to be handed down from the grown-up people in children’s lives, especially their parents. The vulnerable emerging identity of these children gets injured, and they come to believe they are defective or inadequate.

Parents may love or want to love their children. But if they are unsure of themselves, preoccupied with their own problems, or ambivalent about parenting, kids sense this and then make the mistake of blaming themselves.

Other parents are more overtly hostile, critical or punitive towards their kids, which is even more damaging to the fledgling sense of self-worth.

inner scapegoat
Scapegoat syndrome

Unfortunately, children don’t have the objectivity to know that it’s the big folks – not them – who are having the difficulty. This can become fertile ground for the Inner Scapegoat to take root. Kids come to believe that they are somehow flawed if their parent’s attention or love is not in adequate supply.

If this happens early in life, it’s very difficult for one’s conscious mind to know that this is not the truth.

So the Inner Scapegoat is particularly insidious because it convinces people at a tender age that a negative view of themselves is reality. These negative beliefs get lodged in the unconscious mind, fueling pessimism and loss of self-worth.

It’s essential to psychological well-being that these unconscious negative beliefs be exposed, challenged, and revised into a more accurate and positive view of the self.

Fortunately developing this awareness also marks the turning point toward healing. You can’t change what you aren’t aware of! This understanding is the first step in helping the individual ‘grow up’ from that child’s fear, doubt, and sadness, so they are then free to rediscover their core of integrity that existed before negative beliefs about the self set in.

Related: How Family Scapegoats Become Lifelong Victims

Steps To Outwitting The Inner Scapegoat

  1. Become aware that too often you feel inadequate, flawed, or defective.
  2. Working backward, identify negative core beliefs about yourself that stem from feeling inadequate.
  3. Decide to re-examine your long-held belief that ‘not measuring up’ is the truth about you.
  4. Look for evidence that – at least some of the time – you are at least ‘adequate’.
  5. Also, identify exceptions to not being good enough.
  6. Recognize that this evidence and exceptions are also the truth.
  7. Decide that if there are parts of you or your life that need improvement, you will figure out ways to work on becoming a better human being, and give yourself credit for doing so.
  8. Develop an expanded view of the truth, and redefine your beliefs about yourself along more realistic and positive lines – your value, talent, abilities, and inherent worth as a person.
  9. Actively challenge negative core beliefs when they are triggered, your mood is low, or you are entertaining dark thoughts about yourself.
  10. Practice Steps 1 through 9 consistently, until one day you wake up and the Inner Scapegoat no longer has a grip on you.

Want to know more about scapegoating syndrome and how to heal the inner scapegoat? Check this video out below!

How to stop being the scapegoat

To request an appointment, or join my email list to receive free resources as I create them, please visit https://GlynisSherwood.com 

References:

Scapegoating in Families: Intergenerational patterns of physical and emotional abuse, Dr Vimala Pillari, Philadelphia, PA, US: Brunner/Mazel, 1991

Child Abuse: Pathological Syndrome of Family Interaction, Arthur Green, Richard Gaines and Alice Sandgrund, The American Journal of Psychiatry, 2015

Written By Glynis Sherwood
Originally Appeared On Glynis Sherwood
Ways Stand Up To Inner Scapegoat pin
Stand Up To Inner Scapegoat

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

The “False Self” Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!

Hidden Narcissist False Self: Make Believe Traits in Them

The narcissist false self is charming and confident, masking underlying insecurities and emptiness beneath. Let’s find out other secrets they hide!

Narcissists have a false self. They’re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen — whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring.

In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed thei



Up Next

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Obsessive Ex? 4 Tips For Successfully Handling One

Deal With Your Partner's Obsessive Ex: Tips And Tricks

Have you ever had to deal with an obsessive ex? Moreover, have you ever had to deal with your partner’s obsessive and toxic ex? If you have, you already know how disturbing it is to go through this. This article is going to talk about some of the best ways to deal with a toxic ex or deal with your partner’s toxic ex.

My friend is happily married to a man who has a child. He is a devoted and loving father who sought full custody of the children; the court denied his petition.

His two children are living with their narcissistic mother who actively alienates the children from their father. His ex was obsessed with him during their short and turbulent relationship. She was deceitful, abusive, controlling, and highly destructive. They hooked up while drunk.



Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?



Up Next

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With Someone Who Thinks They Are Better Than You

What Is A Superiority Complex And How To Deal With It

Have you ever met someone who believes they are inherently better than others? Do they constantly exude an air of superiority, belittle others, or dismiss others’ accomplishments? This is a superiority complex in action. What is a superiority complex?

People who exhibit traits of condescension and arrogance are believed to have a superiority complex, a psychological phenomenon that drives such behavior. Let’s explore the superiority complex in psychology, its signs, causes, and most importantly, how to deal with someone with a superiority complex.

What is a Superiority Complex?

A superiority co



Up Next

What Is A Devouring Mother? Overcoming A Narcissistic Mother’s Toxic Grip

What Is A Devouring Mother? Ways To Overcome Toxicity

Do you feel overwhelmed, smothered, or suffocated by all the love and attention your mother gives you? Perhaps you know people who feel trapped in situations where their mother’s love becomes an all-encompassing affair? This phenomenon is referred to as “The Devouring Mother Archetype.” Let’s explore what is a devouring mother and how to deal with the devouring mother archetype.

What is a Devouring Mother?

The Freudian devouring mother describes a controlling, overbearing motherly figure hampering a child’s development and independence. It is marked by possessiveness and narcissism.

As the term is not a literal description, a devouring Mother does not mean a mother who consumes her children ph



Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal



Up Next

The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing: 7 Subtle Signs Of An Altruistic Narcissist

Signs Of An Altruistic Narcissist: Beneath the Kindness

Have you ever met someone who seems super helpful and sweet, but it just doesn’t seem genuine? Well, you might be looking at an altruistic narcissist, and this is one of the many signs of an altruistic narcissist.

You might be confused because when we think of narcissists, we usually think of them as selfish and uncaring. But there is another type of narcissist who does good deeds for a different reason – they want attention and praise and adulation.

So, without any further delay, let’s get down to knowing more about the altruistic narcissist and their signs. Let’s start with understanding what is an alt