Over time, this initial, often tenuous acceptance becomes more substantive, as both of you begin to recognize, independently, that there are boundaries that at least one of you must maintain in order for the breakup to stick because it has to. You are finally grasping that’s it’s just not good for you to keep trying anymore.
7. Redirected Hope.
You were leveled by the breakup and have had difficulty letting go, in part because it shattered your relationship with hope. As acceptance deepens, moving forward requires redirecting your feelings of hope—from the belief that you can singlehandedly save a failing relationship to the possibility that you just might be okay without your ex.
It’s jarring when forced to redirect your hope from the known entity of the relationship into the abyss of the unknown. But this is an opportunity to redirect the life force of hope. Regardless, hope is somewhere in your reserves and you will access it again as you continue to allow some meaningful distance between you and your ex.
The stages of grief that follow any trauma, breakups included, can happen over the course of minutes or even seconds, across days, months, or years, and then switch around without warning, leaving you feeling without foundation, especially in the beginning. You feel alien to yourself or cut off from the world.
However, like any emotional amputation, continuing on in life means learning to live without that part of yourself, and finding ways to compensate for its loss. Furthermore, recognize that there is a method and a structure of sorts to this chaotic grieving process. Knowing that you are not alone can help you ride it out.
Your grieving is part of the human condition—without it, we would not be wired the way we are to handle the many pains and losses that occur in our lives. As the grieving process progresses you will begin to see your way through to a point at which you can let go in a more proactive and self-protective way—a way that you may eventually come to understand as a new beginning.
Check out Dr. Lachmann’s personal website for more such informative articles.
Written By Suzanne Lachmann Originally Appeared In Psychology Today
Now that you have an idea about what to expect when grieving a breakup, know that everything is going to be fine. Things may seem dark and painful, but nothing lasts forever. Take one step at a time, and try to heal yourself. Letting go and moving on is not easy, but you have got to try, right?