Q 9: How can we tell is someone is going to be compatible to us?
I get a lot of men and women asking me to have a look at their new or prospective partner’s photo and tell them if they are compatible. The first person who asked me what she should look for in a prospective boyfriend was my very first student many years ago.
Should she look for a man with a large lower lip? My question to her was what type of relationship are you looking for? A person with a large lower lip is quick to give while one with a thinner lip thinks more before giving.
My question to her was “are you looking for what you can get in the short term? Are you looking for a long term relationship?” She in particular needed to know what her partner thought of her, asking him would not be enough. She needed to see it. Well if he had a tight lower lip and he gave her expensive presents then she would know exactly what he thought of her” So you see there are no right or wrong traits.
Knowing how to read the traits is most important, and knowing your own equally so. When you can read the traits and know how to talk to them the spicy relationship requires little maintenance and to keep the soulmate interested.
Q 10: What are the ‘red flags’ we should be looking out for on an online dating profile photo?
A high priority should be to see if the facial features and written resume match. As I said before, the facial features tell you everything you need to know about the personality. Read the written profile and ask, “does this sound like the person you’re looking at?” Secondly, what is the theme in the photos? How is the person posed? Start by looking at your own profile and think about what your image conveys.
One of my students got a request on her dating App from a guy. His image didn’t convey a happy person nor did his written profile. She politely said thanks but no thanks, to which he genuinely asked if she could tell him what he was doing wrong.
She told him what his expression conveyed and how to repose a new photo. From his existing photo she profiled his personality traits and pointed out to him how he hadn’t written about any of his strengths.
His wording showed someone who lacked confidence and was desperate. If he had been a woman contacting a male, then “she” could have gone like a lamb to slaughter if the other person had been a predator.
So your major priority should be to look at what your profile is conveying and who it is attracting.
Q 11: The most important part of someone face (to discern their character and intentions) is……?
It’s been often said that the eyes are the window to the soul. Just as true is that the whole face is the window to the mind. If you want to build rapport with someone we are told we should soften our gaze by looking at the full area of the eyebrows, eyes, nose and mouth, so we don’t appear to stare.
It’s non-threatening. More importantly, we can see those micro expressions more easily when we soften our gave to take in the whole face.
Expressions can be not just micro in timing but also very subtle, appearing in just the eyebrow, eyes or mouth. You need to see the whole face and that way we can see when an inappropriate expression appears. A flash of anger, contempt or disgust, or a smile that appears when there is nothing in the conversation that should have attracted a smile.
It’s not which expression, but the expression that appears out of context with the conversation. For instance, if you are telling someone that their friend is having a hard time and you see a fleeting hint of a smile, you know they are happy about the bad news and that friendship isn’t what they say it is.