Spiritual lessons from a narcissistic person
Is this a joke? Not at all. You must be still wondering how exactly a narcissistic person can help you in your spiritual development. A NARCISSIST? Yes, a narcissist. Once you see yourself as a student, you will learn the following spiritual lessons from the toxic, abusive narcissist in your life:
#1: What you can learn: Your self-importance
Another crucial lesson that you can learn for your spiritual growth from a narcissist is the lesson of humility or the trait of being humble. Humility helps us gain freedom from ego, arrogance, and pride. Being with a narcissistic person can teach you humility and make you see how ego can limit you and pull you down.
Author Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D. says humility means “admitting our own shortcomings and seeking to overcome them. It is about readiness to learn best practices from others. Humility involves teachability, a mindset that embraces constant self-correction and self-improvement.”
Narcissists believe that they are the center of the universe. And they can help you realize how wrong they are. Your “tor-mentor” can help you learn that you don’t need to rescue or save or fix anyone. You are not responsible for anyone, except yourself. You don’t need to fall victim to their projections, manipulations, guilt trips, and burdens. Knowing your value will help you overcome enmeshment and stop feeling over-concerned for others.
Licensed psychologist Robert Enright, Ph.D. writes “Humility is not humiliation or being put down and shamed by others. Humility is seeing the truth about oneself so that pride or narcissism does not dominate.” The words, actions, and behaviors of a narcissistic person is a reflection of themselves, not you. It is their lack of humility and a strong desire for external validation that keeps them from healing their inner pain and finding happiness.
By being a student of a narcissist, you can learn to be humble and avoid the traps they have set only for themselves.
#2. What you can learn: The value of boundaries
Let’s face it, most of us have poor personal boundaries. This is one of the main reasons why a narcissistic person finds it so easy to dominate our lives. Whether we want to please or accommodate others or tend to feel shy or emotionally sensitive, we fail to establish clear boundaries to protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
And that serves as an open invitation to our teacher – the narcissist. They simply do not care about your weak boundaries and walk all over them. Clinical psychologist and author Karen Nimmo explains “Narcissists don’t ‘get’ boundaries. They don’t respect your need for personal time and space because their primary driver is for you to validate THEM. They don’t want you to enjoy time with other people who matter to you.”
Everyone needs healthy personal boundaries, in life and in relationships. However, it is YOU who has to set those boundaries and let people know about them. You can’t assume that people, especially a narcissist, will guess your boundaries and respect them. You have to teach them to respect your personal boundaries. And that is one of the most important lessons a narcissistic person will teach you in life.
As a student, you will learn to stand up, speak up and take control of your life by establishing healthy boundaries.
#3. What you can learn: Unconditional forgiveness
Forgiving someone who wronged you, especially an abusive narcissist, may often seem like a sign of weakness. But forgiving the person who abused you for months or years and doesn’t even realize their mistake takes a lot more strength and courage than you may realize. “Forgiveness is good for your heart,” says wellness coach Elizabeth Scott, MS.