Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

So put the idea of a soulmate on the shelf, right next to other fairytales, and think instead of the half dozen or so qualities that a spouse (or intimate partner) would absolutely have to possess in order to be a good match for you. Write these qualities down on a piece of paper, and also write down how you would know that the person had these qualities.

For example, if it’s important that the person be kind and compassionate how would you expect that to show up? Perhaps the person is thoughtful, volunteers for a charity, and helps family and friends even when it is inconvenient, etc.

The more times you see this person acting kindly, and over a long period of time, the more confident you are that this is a quality he, or she, genuinely possesses.

Then write another list. This one contains those qualities that you absolutely 100% cannot and do not want in a romantic partner. It may be something most people would agree with, like avoiding anyone who cannot be trusted.

There may be other items on this list that you think are ridiculous, but nevertheless are important to you. Perhaps you cannot stand someone who smacks their lips when they eat. OK, seems a little petty, but on the other hand, are you willing to spend 40 or 50 years hearing the smacking of lips at every meal? Exactly, write that down as well.

Related: 4 Marriage Myths That Cause Divorce

Now you have a list of “Must have” and “Must not have” qualities. These are not abstract visions about what will lead you to a soulmate, but practical and important characteristics of the type of person with whom you could envision building a life.

This type of certainty about another person, based on their actions, should be trusted much more than the momentary feeling of being ‘soul connected.’ Being focused on what you want in a person, and judging them by how they behave, will lead to better decisions about relationships. Focusing on finding a soulmate, on the other hand, will lead you on a never-ending chase for unicorns.

Written By Forrest Talley 
Originally Appeared On Forrest Talley 
Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate PIN
Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate
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Forrest Talley Ph.D.

Forrest Talley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Folsom California. Prior to opening this practice, he spent 21 years working at the University of California, Davis, Medical Center. During that time he supervised MFT and SW interns, psychology interns, and medical residents. In addition, he was an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at UCDMC. He worked in several capacities at the UCDMC CAARE Center. These include Co-Training Director of the APA approved psychology internship program, the Individual and Group Therapy Manager, primary supervisor for interns and staff, and the main supplier of bagels/cream cheese for all souls at the UCDMC CAARE Center.View Author posts