The second type of narcissistic supply is called Secondary Narcissistic Supply and includes leading normal lives, having financial and social security, and attaining companionship. Thus, possessing significant wealth, having a sexual partner, owning a business, obtaining professional recognition, being successful in life, owning property, and flaunting one’s symbols of status also constitute triggers for secondary narcissistic supply.
Sources of this kind of supply are spouses, colleagues, friends, teachers, business partners, relatives, neighbors and so on.
Signs of narcissistic supply
Some of the warning signs that you are being used as a person’s narcissistic supply are:
1. They constantly rebuke your real identity
A narcissist will often make the other person or the supplier feel like they are not worthy enough as individuals. They will constantly try to suppress their real identities and emotions by telling them things like “I know who you are”, or “You are just not that person.” This causes a lot of narcissistic suppliers to lose their sense of identity, which makes it easier for the narcissist to manipulate and control them.
2. You are the giver in the relationship
A healthy relationship comprises both individuals catering to each other’s needs and looking out for one another. However, in a narcissistic relationship, you tend to be doing all the work. At the start, a narcissistic person will act pleased when you help them. However, soon they take you for granted and start to expect things from you. They will be ready to show their displeasure to you in case you cannot fulfill their desires. They start taking advantage of people who have poor boundaries set for themselves and prey on their willingness to please people.
3. You get fatigued and exhausted trying to please the narcissist
The longer you maintain a relationship with these individuals, the more responsibilities get heaped on you and less on part of the narcissist. When difficulties arise, that person expects you to solve and overcome them. From managing finances, household chores, children, and other responsibilities, you try hard to portray your love for them and show them that you are really trying and putting in effort. However, you forget to realize that it is only you who is giving their all.
4. You are willing to change yourself in order to please them
The first sign of this is when a narcissist expects you to change your appearance to what they like most. This can range from changing the way you dress to the way you talk or do your hair. This is usually a test for a narcissist to see if you are willing to bow down to their demands. A narcissistic person does this by comparing you to other people and telling you how they are better in some way or the other.
Then comes the emotional part where they expect you to change your thoughts, your beliefs and knowledge in a way which would suit them the most. They can start by telling you that you are overweight, you do not look good enough for them or indicate some things about you which you are not willing to change but are forced to do so. The end result is you are left feeling as if you are not good enough for them. And this is exactly what a narcissist wants to do by taking the upper hand and letting their partners doubt their own sense of self.
5. You develop cognitive dissonance
This is characterized by your mind experiencing two conflicting thoughts at the same time. You might feel that they love you but do not expect you to be happy. When you start a conversation with them about this, they simply flip the tables on you and start accusing you of being selfish and self-centered. Thus, these things do not make sense to you and you live in constant confusion and are never able to truly communicate what you feel.