2. Too much.
You would think you could never hear the words “I love you” too many times from your lover.
But a compulsive need to confirm love feelings is not sweet; it’s indicative of potentially dangerous emotional issues, and if you need to hear it every 20 minutes or 20 times a day, you’ve got issues of your own.
One reason partners keep saying “I love you” is insecurity. They repeat the words to hear them back from you and dispel any doubt.
Another is a lack of emotional integrity. Your partner may be faking it until he or she makes it, using the constant repetition to convince him or herself of feelings he or she doesn’t actually feel but is hoping will develop in time.
The third and most problematic reason your partner may bombard you with the love bomb is to guilt you into expressing reciprocal feelings you may not actually have. There’s no greater relationship killer than one person saying, “I love you,” and the other not saying it back.
Whatever the underlying explanation, when someone says “I love you” too much, that person is putting his or her feelings above yours and is likely to do that throughout the relationship.
3. Too physical.
The sad fact is, our bodies change as we get older, while the person we are inside may grow intellectually and emotionally but remains essentially the same.
If your partner only says I love you when giving or receiving physical affection (or as a precursor to sex) or only attaches love statements to your physical features, you could be in for trouble down the road.
Your partner may love to be with you, and specifically to sleep with you, in your current physical form, but that “love” may wane as age and time take their toll.
Simply asking the question, “Will you love me when I’m 60 or when I’m old and gray,” won’t help much, because you’ll simply hear, “Of course.”
Try counting the number of times you hear “I love you” after you’ve said something intelligent, done something your partner feels proud of, or—and this is tough test for anyone to pass—when you’ve just stood up for yourself.
4. Too compatible.
It’s amazing. Your partner loves everything you love.
The same foods, the same books, the same movies, the same interior design. You never—not just rarely but never—disagree on any choices.
The words, “No thanks, I’d rather,” are not part of your vocabulary.
Some, even a lot, of shared interests and tastes is natural; it’s one of the things that attracts you to each other. But unless you’re dating a clone of yourself, each partner should have distinct interests and tastes of his or her own.
When everything matches to a tee, it’s called mirroring, and you may be doing it as well as your partner. Psychopaths mirror to draw victims into relationships by making them think they’ve found the perfect mate.
You may not be dealing with a psychopath, but you may also be unaware of your partner’s real likes and dislikes, because he or she is not sharing them for fear of rocking the boat or because it would puncture the illusion of perfection.