9 Warning Signs Of A Controlling Boyfriend

8. Blowing up when you use your phone around him.

Woman distracted looking at her smart phone

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You touch your phone to use it, look at his face and his facial expression changes. You feel like he has caught you red-handed cheating on him. 

He wants you 100% to himself and not even a second wasted to some nonsense texts. It might be a text, mail or call requiring your immediate attention but who cares? What else can be more urgent to you other than his attention?

What you can do about it:

This might take you some courage; Tell him that he is a very significant part of your life but certain other things might need your urgent attention and time. This does not take away his place in your heart.


9. Intimidating you. 

You boyfriend must be someone who understands you and calms you down not someone who makes you anxious and nervous. Dating a controlling boyfriend is like walking on eggshells. It’s ridiculous how a trivial behaviour on your part can entirely blow him up.

You literally have to think over a million times before you say something or do something because you are totally clueless of what might push his triggers!

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You want to go out for a movie night with girls, you have to ask for his permission, explain to him the route you will take, give him your girls’ names, numbers, addresses and whatnot. This might sound absurd but trust me this is how it is! Sometimes, you will avoid people altogether, socially isolate yourself, just to entertain his “I only want you to myself!” fantasies.

Does his mere presence make you falter, scared or cautious of your natural behaviour? Do you have to mould yourself according to his needs at the cost of your authenticity?

If your answer is yes for both the above questions, you are dealing with a manipulator at his best!

What you can do about it:

It is for you to understand that this type of controlling people will slowly strangulate the freedom and independence out of you. You will gradually start losing your identity and become a mere puppet, controlled by his needs. Stand your ground.

DO NOT comply with his unrealistic, illogical wishes and wants. Let him know that you are a self-reliant person and that you want him, not need him in your life.


Summing up…

There might be many more noticeable behaviours in your boyfriend not mentioned in the list which falls under the category of covert manipulation. Most often than not this need for control comes from the fact that he might be having low self-esteem and an insecure core. He is driven by the fear of being “not deserving of you”, “not worthy enough” and “not up to the mark”.

Most of the times, these men themselves have had bad experiences in the past of being emotionally abused, victimised, cheated on and manipulated. 

As a partner, you must create for him a comfortable space in the relationship where he can easily share his insecurities underlying his controlling and manipulating behaviour. This might let them understand where they are going wrong. 

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Shreyasi Debnath
An editor and writer keeping keen interest in painting, creative writing and reading. I did my Masters in Clinical and Counselling Psychology and have been a counselling psychologist at a primary school for the past 1 year. I love doing absolutely anything that mends a mind and soothes a soul. Most often than not, I ponder over to come up with poems. A wandering soul in search for meaning.
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