3. You Can’t Move On.
I don’t know about you but one of the reasons that I would put myself out to date after a breakup was because I was horny. I hadn’t had sex for a while and was motivated to go through the whole dating thing in the hopes of meeting someone special and, well, getting laid.
I know that, if I had been having sex with my ex, I would have been getting what I needed, physically, and might not have been motivated to get out there and find something real.
Furthermore, whether it was you who wanted the breakup or your ex, neither of you will be given a chance to move on and find happiness if you are still entangled with each other.
If having sex with your ex keeps you from moving on and finding love, doesn’t that sound like a REALLY bad idea?
4. Recurring Issues.
You and your ex broke up. You broke up for one, or many reasons. You are no longer a couple because you just weren’t right for each other.
Unfortunately, staying intimate with our ex can only lead to those issues being raised over and over, being hashed out again with no change, and feelings being hurt again and again.
I have had sex with an ex before and, while it was fun, I know that the behaviors that I didn’t like about my ex, like the fact that he would disappear on Sundays or always sent terse texts or that he was vocally conservative, were still there. When we had sex after our breakup, those things bugged me, more than ever because I wasn’t as emotionally involved.
So, I would snap and he would get defensive and I would, more likely than not, storm out, angry, promising myself that I would never do this again. And then, one week later, after a call from him, there I would be, naked in bed, no longer horny but definitely irritated.
Lay those issues to rest. Move on.
5. Loss Of Self-Respect.
For many people, having sex with your ex can lead to dramatically decreased self-esteem, especially if one person did the leaving.
I know that when I had sex with an ex who I wished I was still with, a guy who basically ignored me until he was horny, I always felt worse after it. I would be so excited in the anticipation but then, when it was over, I was devastated. I knew I was being used, I knew that I was being pathetic and I was embarrassed by my weakness.
After a few months of this, my self-esteem was in the toilet.
I have also seen this happening with couples who have sex with each other even if their breakup was amicable. They enjoy getting together but know that they are doing so even if there is no future. They know that it’s holding them back from moving on and finding happiness. They know that, while the sex might be great, they are with a person they really don’t want to be with. And that ultimately doesn’t feel good at all.
So, pay attention to your self-esteem if you are having sex with your ex. I am guessing that it’s not as great as you would like it to be.
Having Sex With Your Ex Is A REALLY Bad Idea Because Relationships And Breakups Are Complicated And Involving Sex In The Equation Only Makes Things Worse.
If you are having sex with your ex, think about the signals that are being sent. Are you both on the same page about what sex means? Is it keeping you attached in a negative way and preventing you from moving on? Is it bringing up recurring issues and damaging your self-esteem?
Taking a good look at your relationship with your ex and the effect that the sex is having on you and your ex will help you see that having sex after a breakup is, more often than not, a horrible idea.
Written By: Mitzi Bockmann