When the level of sexual desire is mismatched between partners, it can cause significant problems in a relationship that don’t stem from sex pressure from men. I’ve written more on that topic here.
4) The woman is unmotivated to improve sex.
With very little to gain and very little to lose, Marie is unmotivated to improve sex. She has already forfeited her sexual competence to his blame game.
As Marie becomes more closed off from sex, James begins to fear to look inadequate. This fuels his desperate attempts to keep her interested in sex.
James perceives Marie’s closed-off-ness as rejection. With these three tips, she can help stop him from taking this personally.
5) Man’s dependence makes him powerless and less desirable.
In a relationship like this, women often have a paradoxical experience: They feel inadequate, yet powerful.
When Marie was angry with James, she could jerk James’s leash by not responding, turning him into a needy boy desperate to validate his masculinity. When she wasn’t angry, his little boy’s neediness was unattractive.
His pressure to increase Marie’s sexual desire made him powerless.
It pushed their relationship into sexual gridlock.
Frequent invitations allowed Marie to remain passive. She could have as much sex as she wanted, when she wanted, without ever initiating it.
“Sometimes I get real lonely sleeping with you.” ―
James, like many men, was totally dependent on what the woman did.
Both parties are to blame in this scenario because the woman in this context is conditioning her man to badger her for sex.
A relationship always takes two to tango.
The solution requires an uncomfortable effort from both partners—it requires personal growth.
The man must learn how to hold on to himself in the face of a disinterested partner, while the woman must learn how to boldly explore her sexuality and rebel against shame or cultural norms. The man needs to break free from the belief that his masculinity is defined by his sexual performance.
Both partners need to learn how to stop being slaves to the perceptions of other people.
This requires working on improving self-worth, to feel better about themselves and less defective—so they can become masters of their wild erotic sexuality.
Pressuring partners to measure up to our sexual standards is not a way to have more sex.
Low sexual desire is a signal for both partners to grow—it’s not the time for sex pressure.
A lack of passion is a signal that’s encouraging you to reach for your highest potential as a lover and person.
Sexual mastery is not a journey for the faint of heart.
It requires facing anxiety, self-worth issues, and overcoming perceptions that inhibit our sexuality.
Talking about sex with your partner can be hard. But here are four quick tips for making this process much more comfortable for both of you.
Release the pressure to measure up sexually and rise to the challenge of mastering yourself.
“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.” – Havelock Ellis
It is a well-known fact that men love sex, and sometimes more than women, but that does not mean that your partner does not want to have sex with you. Maybe they are just tired, or they had a bad day. Forcing them to have sex can never be the solution, as sex in a committed relationship should always be organic and mutual. More often than not, sex pressure from males has caused women to feel inadequate about themselves, which has led to the dissolution of the relationship.
So, make sure that when sex is on the table, both of you crave it and want it equally. Otherwise, is it really worth it?
Dedicated to Cultivating Passionate Sex,
If you want to know more about this, check out this video: