But healthy boundaries are fundamental to turning your life around. So is knowing when to say no, this isn’t good enough for me when someone crosses them.
It’s important to know what your boundaries or limits are. Physical, emotional boundaries. What behavior is acceptable to you or not?
The clearer and stronger your boundaries are, the more others will treat you as you expect them to do so.
One way to get a clearer picture is to think about important relationships in your life right now.
Whether that’s with a partner, an employer, work colleague or friend.
List behavior that is acceptable to you. What boundaries are your comfortable with?
List what is unacceptable behavior.
Behavior that’s not aligned with your core values and beliefs.
At what point is anyone’s attitude or behavior offensive to you?
What line means they are draining you and you’re getting nothing in return?
No boundaries? Setting boundaries keep you safe.
Setting personal boundaries
Try to find clear lines between what is acceptable or unacceptable to you.
Physical behavior. Emotional boundaries.
How others speak to you.
How they treat others.
What their attitudes towards other people who are different from them are.
What are your red lines?
When you look at your boundaries. What is the line that divides acceptable and unacceptable behavior to you?
At what point if someone crosses them is it a deal breaker and time to walk away or hold them accountable?
It’s important to set these and stick to them.
How do you do this?
By stating what your boundaries are. Without anger or anger. Always owning your emotions.
‘When you talk over me all the time, I feel it is disrespectful towards me. I’m happy to hear your point of view, but I’d be grateful if you could also listen to mine’.
It’s calm, it’s reasonable. You are not blaming them. How can anyone argue with that?
If someone displays aggressive or bullying behavior towards you, respond like this:
‘I’m happy to discuss this further, but only if you are prepared to calm down. If not, then I am going to leave the room. We can discuss this another time when you are prepared to have an adult conversation about it’.
Setting boundaries is not about winning and losing. It’s about showing respect to one another.
Being assertive is not confrontational. It is not anger or accusing them with aggression. Nor is it passive. Putting up with bad behavior (whilst seething inside).
It’s not passive-aggressive behavior either. Where you roll your eyes, sigh loudly or make a joke at that person’s expense. Trying to get others to side with you against them.
It’s calm, yet confident. Respectful and polite.
Standing up for yourself against bullies can be scary at first.
The more you learn to do this, the more it will come naturally to you.
And the more respect from others you will get.
Build strong boundaries. When someone crosses a red line, have the strength and courage to walk away.