Addicted people are unable to show up, to handle stuff, to be responsive in a loving way to your needs and requests. They avoid issues that need their attention and live in a world of make-believe. They become overly angry and full of rage if they are deprived or if they are in the throes of their addiction. Their behavior easily and often turns abusive.
There is not much you can do, nothing you can fix. This is their battle, one they must wish to overcome and master, and one they must be committed to overcoming. You can’t change them, and you can only be present and support them from afar, if possible until they are completely healed. Know that you are powerless over what that person is going to do.
Make a commitment to take care of your own self, surround yourself with your own support system, and establish your boundaries. Give them time to prove they are committed to their recovery and allow them to use their time to get their act together. You will know what feels best for you and make your own decision whether to stay or leave.
11. Your self-respect
Let’s face it: there are some dysfunctional men who love to control and manipulate. They can become very dominant and disrespectful and threaten you if you should go against their wishes.
If you don’t set your boundaries early on and train your partner to respect you then you’re sending the message that he can always expect you to be that way, and he will walk all over you. Maintain your integrity and uphold your self-respect. Assert yourself and instill in your partner a clear sense of respecting your boundaries.
12. Constant sacrifice
In your frustration and desperation, you feel that you must sacrifice for love; you feel like you have to give in constantly to the needs of your partner, to please him, in order to be loved. Soon, you end up having all this built-up anger and resentment because you’re running on empty and you realize that you’re really not getting what you want from the relationship.
You over-give and you do everything to earn his love. You have all the evidence that he can’t be the man you want him to be, and yet you stay and give more. You find yourself in the same predicament with everyone you meet because the pattern sneaks in even though you promised yourself that you were going to draw a boundary and take care of your needs first.
You have not learned what it is to receive love, and until you do, your relationships cannot shift and change.
Written by Rani St. Pucchi
Originally appeared on Yourtango
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