Self-Compassion And Meeting Yourself Where You Are

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Self-Compassion Meeting Yourself

Letโ€™s talk about self-compassion and meeting yourself where you are. Right here, right now.  Today.
Have you ever started something, or picked something back up after a hiatus and been frustrated with where you are?

Me too.

Last spring, I was training for a half marathon that was supposed to happen in May, but for obvious reasons (i.e. COVID), that half-marathon didnโ€™t happen.  I swore Iโ€™d keep up with my training and run it on my own, but then I hurt my hamstring.

So, my running consistency went out the window.

I used to be an avid triathlete, and Iโ€™ve done 4 or 5 half-Ironman races. My fastest time over the 1.2-mile swim, 56-mile bike, and 13.1-mile run was 5 hours, 28 minutes and some-odd seconds, which is pretty good for an age-grouper.  I typically finished in the top 15 in my age group on the bike leg, which was my strongest sport of the three, and in the top 25-30 overall.

But, as it has a tendency to do, life happened. I went through a tough time with my divorce.  I no longer had time or energy to put into that much training.  Iโ€™m kicking myself because I had built that fitness and endurance up over a few years, and now Iโ€™m pretty much back to square one.

To be honest, Iโ€™ve had the itch to get back to the tri world.  I still feel like Iโ€™d like to do a full Ironman someday. When I was in the thick of racing, people would say โ€œoh, I could never do thatโ€.  And Iโ€™d say โ€œof course you can.  You just have to want toโ€.  

People would look at me and say back, โ€œno, I really could never do that.  Iโ€™m too _____โ€.  Iโ€™m too out of shape.  Iโ€™m too heavy.  Iโ€™m too old.  Iโ€™m too busy. 

All the excuses. 

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion

Why is that?  Why do people not believe in themselves? Why do they make excuses for why they canโ€™t do something?

The excuses are fear.

Do you know the other thing that happens?

People bite off more than they can chew.

On a whim, they decide theyโ€™re going to do X, but they expect to just do X and not work for it.  When they canโ€™t just do X, they feel like they suck.  They feel inadequate and unworthy โ€“ like they are not enough.

So I did a crazy thing this week.

After a couple of glasses of wine, I decided it would be a good idea to sign up for the virtual Baltimore half-marathon, which โ€œtakes placeโ€ on (or before) October 17th.  

Related: 21 Things That Change When You Start Respecting Yourself

Iโ€™m also a personal trainer, and love coming up with new training programs, so I sat down to create a training schedule for this race. October seemed so far away, and it didnโ€™t occur to me until this moment that I only have about a month to get ready for this race.

Oops.

And lately, running has felt like so much effort.  I am about 15 pounds heavier than Iโ€™d like to be.  Even though Iโ€™m strong and athletic, Iโ€™m out of shape for running endurance-wise.  And Iโ€™m not getting any younger. When I run, I seriously feel like I am running with bricks on my feet.

So my inner mean girl starts saying all this stuff to meโ€ฆ. You suck at this. You shouldnโ€™t even try.  This is ridiculous.  You should have never stopped running.  Youโ€™ll never get back into shape.  Youโ€™re so SLOW.

I know youโ€™re familiar with the inner mean girl.  I know you are.

Sheโ€™s not very nice.

Well, I have some of my best thoughts and ideas when I am running. Hereโ€™s one for my inner mean girl:

What if, instead of beating myself up for sucking at this, what if I practiced a little self-compassion and just met myself where Iโ€™m at now?  

What if I said hey, everyone has to start somewhere and this is what I have to work with?

So I did.  I settled into my slow pace and took care of my body and my mind. 

I also took comfort in the fact that this is the beginning of a journey.  A journey from slow to fast (or maybe slow to not-as-slow).  A journey of getting back in running shape.  A journey from having little endurance to having as much endurance as I train myself to have.

Feels a lot better to think that way.  Itโ€™s so much kinder.

Related: 8 Ways To Cultivate Resilience In Yourself During Tough Times

I am excited to run again.  Because I am doing it without the pressure of a certain pace or time.  Iโ€™m leaving my inner mean girl at home and Iโ€™m doing this on my own.  No nasty voices and no put-downs. Iโ€™m doing it because I want to, with zero expectation, and that feels good.

Oftentimes, I have clients that need some help taking a step back to meet themselves where they are.

I have to teach them that embracing a โ€œbeginnerโ€™s mindโ€ is one of the best things you can do for yourself from a mindset perspective.  You donโ€™t have to be perfect at something.  You donโ€™t have to be an expert at something right away.  Once you have learned everything, there isnโ€™t any more to the journey.  Having a beginnerโ€™s mind is exciting.  There is so much more journey to take.

The journey is where we learn.  Itโ€™s where we have some beautiful experiences.

Related: 10 Ways You Can Create A Better Life in 2020

Along the journey, Iโ€™ll kindly tell my inner mean girl to have a seat and Iโ€™ll show a little self-compassion. Iโ€™ll enjoy my morning run by meeting myself where Iโ€™m at.

Those are the makings for a beautiful experience on a morning run. 

I encourage you to do the same wherever youโ€™re at.  Kindly tell your inner mean girl to have a seat, show some self-compassion for yourself, and enjoy YOUR beautiful experience on todayโ€™s leg of your journey. 

Are you ready for self-compassion and meeting yourself?

Related video:


Written by: Kortney Rivard
Originally appeared on: Kortneyrivard.com

Check out her podcast, Real, Brave & Unstoppable.

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