When Are You Sharing?
It’s harder to hold ourselves back when we’re emotionally fired up, so you may do better by waiting for the heat of the moment to burn off. You may then make some different choices about why, who, what, and how you share this personal information.
How Are You Sharing?
It’s natural to put a spin on what we say. As much as we try to be completely objective, there are too many subjective factors in relationships to be able to fully pull that off.
Nonetheless, make an effort to tell both sides of the story, including how your partner would describe events and especially the parts that don’t put you in the better light. How you frame the problem will have a big effect on the types of responses that you will get.
I feel compelled here to address a specific way of sharing relationship information: posting thinly veiled comments on social media (like, “Some girlfriends/boyfriends tolerate more than they should have to”).
It’s possible that this isn’t a passive-aggressive jab at your romantic partner, but almost everyone who reads it will know who you are talking about. And neither one of you looks good. If you are tempted to post something like this, you may want to wait a bit and see if you still feel the same way.
If you decide to do it anyway, then be honest with yourself that most readers will know what you’re doing there — and also that your partner is most likely going to be angry about your relationship struggles being made a public spectacle.
My goal in this post is neither to contend that you should share relationship information nor that you shouldn’t. Rather, my hope is that it will help you think through this and discuss it with your partner so that any disclosures and discussions with others have a positive effect on the relationship.
It is completely fine to talk to your friends about your relationships problems, but you need to understand clearly the difference between actually seeking support, and sharing dirty laundry. The best way to ensure that it is support you are going for, keep in mind the important pointers mentioned in this article. This will help you realize what is it that you are actually doing.