The answer is, of course, I and my effort culminated over these years. Hence, the moment I question myself, why should I be submissive to my man, I don’t actually find any reason.
Yes, I need help because I can’t think like a woman my mother wanted me to be, the woman I read in fairy-tales. It’s not the way my life was supposed to conclude. Was it? I have become this demon who can’t submit to men. I need help.
As a child, I had this idea that a woman has two jobs. One is the job which gives her financial freedom. The other one is to please her husband no matter what the circumstances are. So, if a woman is a leader, she should quit her position because she cannot rise above her husband in the social ladder and make him feel unwanted, hurting his male ego. If a woman is good at something than her husband, she should stop being good because that again will hurt his male ego.
If a woman wants something which is not in tune with her husband’s wishes, she should immediately stop it because this too will hurt him. But now, my notions have changed. I have grown up and I have a life of my own. If a man doesn’t fit into my criteria, I would rather creep inside my castle.
I had strong faith in feminism. I thought it would liberate me. But it did the opposite. It operated that part of me who loved such chauvinistic, insecure men. It made me fiercely independent, cold-hearted and lonely. Nothing can change now.
I am asking for your help because I have turned into an alpha woman. But I presume that you can’t help me!