The Secret Ingredients To A Long Lasting Relationship

Are you wondering how to build a long lasting relationship with your partner?

I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together. ― Lisa Kleypas

No matter the length and time spent on your relationship, there are some simple rules that you need to follow to keep the ride of your relationship smooth and pleasurable.

These simple fundamental rules help make your relationship strong and everlasting. Every long term relationship has its bumps and the finesse of a good lover lies in navigating these effortlessly.

Building a relationship takes a lot of work and has its share of bumps and challenges. Though tough and rewarding at the same time, here are the expert tips to make your relationship last an aeon.

1. Express yourself and stand to gain:

The initial phases of a relationship seem like a paradise. But the paradise is lost as soon as you hit the ground. Reality is unimaginably harsh. Handling a relationship well is like walking on the eggshells.

A lot of the times, boredom or everyday frustrations dwindles the passionate sparks between partners.

You probably need to say a dozen of the positive things to nullify a harmful statement. Be vocal about compliments and give heartfelt appreciation specifically aimed at your partner. Materialistic gifts are always not necessarily rewarding; a few intimately shared moments, an understanding glance, a touch of acceptance, a word of praise for a seemingly small favor, everything counts as an expression of your feelings towards each other.

Related: Attachment Theory Explains Why Your Relationships Fail

Stop believing that he/she is granted to you. Value her/him and don’t lose a chance to remind your partner, verbally, or through your actions, about how much lucky you feel for them being in your life.

You should not only know how to press your partner’s hot buttons but also give her the chance to feel wanted and special.

2. Learn to touch each other often:

Human touch often helps in the release of endorphins for both who caress and those who get cared for. Try and hold hands, exhibit physical proximity and affection while you are walking or even watching a movie.

Revive the ways in which you expressed love in the early days of the relationship. Form a tight unit around your loved one.

After a long tiresome day of work and sweat, make each other some coffee, huddle together in a comfortable place, like the sofa, the bed, or the lounge, and revive the moments of the day. This not only fosters physical bond but also make you feel cared for and attended to.

Related: 5 Simple Rules To An Ever Lasting Relationship

It’s natural to barely see each other from the opposite side of the bed after a wearisome day. A study shows that 94 percent of the couples who cuddle during the night are happy with their relationship, vs. 68 percent of couples who stretch out. (1) In contrast, the study also showed that further, the couple sleeps physically from each other, the worse off their relationship is.

Everyone wants to be understood and communication is the tool to promote understanding and empathy. Non-verbal body language in the form of touch is also a crucial aspect of expressing. Cuddling is like telling your partner ” I feel you.” “I get you.”

3. Stop playing the finger-pointing game at each other:

Often in a relationship, when something goes sour, we have a tendency to place the blame on the other person. It is in fact tempting to feel angry and disappointed with your partner when you are stressed about life and work.

You cannot expect to “change” your partner and cast him or her in defensive light.

The result is that neither changes and there is no one to take responsibility for the wrong. The idea is to not chastise and seek the best in your companion. The idea is to change oneself and address one’s own flaws. This increases optimism and both feel motivated to make things work out.

Related: 6 Steps to Mindfully Deal With Difficult Emotions in Relationships

4. Relax in your spare time and introspect:

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.  ― C.G. Jung

It is important to be the one that attracts and gives attention. The happier and jovial you feel, the better it is for your relationship. You can switch to decaf, do some morning yoga, or even listen to relaxing music.

Spend some time in solitude to rejuvenate your senses from being over-saturated with stimuli. All this will soothe your senses and help you reflect on your life and companionship. It makes your relationship ready and makes you feel good.

5. When in conflict, fight fair and square:

Conflict is a normal part of every relationship. You need to handle your relationship well with the right frame of mind and problem-solving abilities.

Conflict should lead to greater intimacy rather than silent seething sessions. Learn to stay away from attacking personally, criticizing, confronting, and from discussions escalating into verbal fight matches or even physical violence.

Call a truce and walk off to cool when things get out of hand! That’s how you both can build a lasting relationship.

Related: 6 Steps to Mindfully Deal With Difficult Emotions in Relationships

6.  Find yourself time to argue:

Do not fight on the fly. If you are dealing with conflict, you need to stop yourself from getting distracted and stay away from potentially tough talks if you are tired or even hungry.

Avoid drinking or even smoking when you are heated and disturbed. Talk things out face-to-face with your partner when something is truly bothering you about the relationship or behavior that came from your partner.

All this will go a long way in achieving positive results in the talk.

7.  Listen and communicate freely:

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
― J.K. Rowling

It is a time tested truth that good listeners are great lovers. You need to listen more often and pay attention to what your partner has to say before you reach a conclusion. Speak less but communicate openly.

Stay focused and stop blaming or interrupting. Never turn combative.

8.  Create a shared dream for togetherness:

In the midst of cleaning the house or working long hours, you need to have fun small term goals as much as you need grave long term ones.

These goals should be shared and for the good of both partners. When you work together and achieve a goal, the joy is equally shared and profoundly doubled.

Related: 21 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Interested In The Relationship

Shared goals and planning leads to the development of a solid foundation of a relationship.

9.  Maintain physical proximity and closeness

For any long term relationship to be successful, you need to build a solid physical intimacy. You should share and revel in love.

Passion and closeness are vital to the form of connection. Similarly, respecting your partner’s decisions while being intimate is also a sign of a solid understanding, which leads to a lasting relationship.

10. Anticipate change and compromise when necessary

A person’s personality modifies itself over time through experiences.

You need to accommodate this change in people when living together. Compromise is the name of the game in a marriage or a long term relationship. You need to exercise patience too.

You should embrace and appreciate the change, not criticize and question them.

So, are you ready to build a lasting relationship with your partner? Share your thoughts in comments below.