5. Put Your Kids First, Always.
- Leave your kids out of it. Don’t talk with them about legal issues, money, betrayals, etc. Don’t tell them how “terrible” their mother/father really is—it causes your children harm when you do that.
- Don’t make them choose sides or feel they have to worry about you. Some parents sneak in digs at the other parent: “It’s more important for daddy to be with his new girlfriend than with you,” or “Mommy just gave up on our family.”
- Work with your spouse to talk to the kids about divorce. You will find guidance here and here.
- Find a way to share time with them. There are a few situations where this may not be a good idea, but usually, kids do best when securely attached to both parents.
- Commit to peaceful co-parenting with your ex, even if you aren’t under the same roof.
6. Focus On Problem-Solving.
- Unraveling your assets and debts, determining a parenting plan, establishing how you will share income, expenses, and time with your children—are all solvable problems. If you can focus on solving the problem, your emotions won’t hijack your negotiations.
- Be willing to compromise and be flexible. Keep your eyes on the prize: your vision of your life post-divorce.
- Be patient. It takes time but it will be done at some point.
Ann Buscho, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist specializing in divorce-related issues and the author of The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting, A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce. See more at www.drannbuscho.com
Written By Ann Gold Buscho Originally Appeared In Psychology Today