These expectations and associated shaming in turn can often fuel a bitter return to the belief of male superiority. In a highly image-conscious world where inner values are not widely recognized and only financial success matters, men find it increasingly difficult to remove their traditional masks and authentically express who they really are.
When asked for their advice to young men about how to avoid a return to traditional masculinity, most respondents focus on curiosity and learning, finding a unique path for manhood. They say it is built through acceptance and in conversation with others while also being resilient and courageous in discovering vulnerability and emotions.
After hearing from men around the world, we believe that a constructive dialogue about what it means to be a modern man should continue. This discussion needs to be not only among men but also between men and women. We don’t believe that shaming or making men feel guilty is useful in a constructive discussion, contrary to the current trend as seen in the controversial #MeToo Gillette ad in 2019.
If we want to gain new practitioners of modern masculinity, it is increasingly clear that instead of focusing the discussion on whether patriarchy existed or still exists, it is more useful to define the specific behaviors desired of men (and women) and the behaviors that no longer serve.
Related: 6 Ways To Stop Hating Men
In summary, the 2020/21 MANTORSHIFT research specifically points to the following 10 core behaviors for men who want to find a healthy identity and masculinity. We see these points as the foundation for a new Playbook for Modern Masculinity.
10 Rules For Modern Masculinity
1. Listen and expose yourself to opinions that are different from your own in the media and in art.
2. Meet and discuss with people who have different political and worldviews.
3. Expose yourself to travel and different cultures in as many ways as possible.
4. Always check the source of information that you are being served and do as much independent thinking and cross-checking as possible.
5. Bring your attention to what you can do in your family, relationships, and the way you conduct business in terms of treating others and find ways to become an ally to women.
6. Strive to find a higher purpose in situations, rather than seek to understand what divides. This is best done by identifying higher-level goals that might unite us rather than divide.
7. Refrain from divisive political terminology (i.e., terms such as left or right, conservative or liberal) and instead focus on building a healthy community, creating deeper and healthy relationships, sustaining mental health, raising happier children, and more such basic needs shared by all.
8. Create a conversation with your partner about your goals, common goals, roles, and then revisit the discussion on a regular basis.
9. Continue to develop and evolve your own understanding of what masculinity and being a modern man mean for you.
10. Seek ways to integrate the two sides (traditionally referred to as yin-yang or masculine and feminine) in yourself so that you can be a more whole human being rather than a follower of your own cultural and societal programming. Don’t go it alone, reach out for professional help to coaches, men’s groups, and therapists.
If you want to explore how to use the unique Success MindsetMaps coaching tool for yourself or your clients please check out the upcoming MindsetMaps Coach training on this link.
Written By Mickey A. Feher Originally Appeared On Psychology Today