It probably helps a lot that I’m a radical relationship anarchist and not looking for any kind of strict monogamy (the sexual kind is irrelevant; the emotional kind isn’t doable for me), but even if that partnership was missing certain elements I wanted in my life—like physical affection, let’s say—I still wouldn’t have a problem with being my friend’s partner for good, as long as I could pursue other relationships, too.
I just don’t understand how anyone could pass up the opportunity to make the best friendship a cohabiting life partnership, for the sake of romantic sexuality. I can’t understand. It’s incomprehensible.
Here’s an interesting video that you may like:
“A partner is someone who makes you more than you are, simply by being by your side.” – Albert Kim
As relationships are a very personal experience, every person has their own unique thoughts and beliefs on what and how it should be. Regardless of whether our life partner and romantic partner should be different individuals or not, we all need someone in our lives who can be a friend and a companion to us. Someone who can give us emotional stability and security which we inherently seek.
Whether it’s a friend or a lover, your relationship with that person needs to be effortless where you can be yourself without feeling any need to impress the other person. When a relationship is based on friendship and security, it meets our emotional needs and leads to feelings of mutual respect and love.
When someone gives us the emotional support we need in life, we become free to live life the way we want and stop pursuing people and relationships that add no value to our lives. The most important thing is to establish a strong emotional connection with your life partner and your romantic partner, whether they are separate individuals or the same person for you.
Written by Marie S. Crosswell
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project