5. Stabilize Your Environment
It sounds like a science experiment — “stabilize your environment” but to me, it’s the most important part of strengthening relationships.
My wife and I evolved into this model very early into our time together and I believe it’s contributed to our success as a couple, a family and as individuals.
Volatility in relationships usually means trouble. There will always be ups and downs but constant instability will undoubtedly lead to relationship failure.
When you look at an immediate family dynamic you have 3 crucial components: Mine is like this
Me – The individual (you)
Kathy – My wife
Family – My 2 sons, my wife and myself
I’m in charge of all of these relationships. I am the Master of my fate. The key to this dynamic though, is although they’re all connected not one is more important than the other. Each is unique and each has different needs and wants. The risk here is to know when to leave the area of stability and focus my attention on the area where it is needed the most.
I cannot risk myself or my family for the sake of my wife.
- If I’m only living for Kathy – to please her, to provide for her, to honor her, I will undoubtedly lose myself and my connection to my kids in that process.
I cannot risk my marriage or self for the sake of my family
- If I’m so focused on being the family man – being the coach, the provider, the cheerleader, the glue, I will over time lose the intimacy that is needed between my wife and I as well as the evolution of me
I cannot risk my wife or family for the sake of myself
- If my self-journey is the only direction on my compass – growing, experiencing, traveling and evolving, I will lose connection with both my wife and family
Leaving the area of stability is a risk each and every time. It’s a risk to my comfort, to my communication, to my ego, and to my desires. It is, however, a risk that I gladly accept for I know its benefits far outweigh the brief moments of discomfort when I leave the oasis of stability.
“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” – Paulo Coelho
Men shouldn’t be scared of taking a risk to strengthen a relationship. The 5 risks that I’ve stated above have worked for me but I’m also excited to take more. I want to continue to evolve and stretch my boundaries in all my relationships.
Writing is one of these risks for me, putting out there what I believe and feel strong enough to share with you. It’s sometimes foolish, often unstable and at times hard to talk about but at the same time, I’m evolving and being the man I’m meant to be. You might say I’m risking my relationship with you the reader.
What say you?
Written by alan-bishop Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project
As most of us have pretty great lives, it can often be difficult for us to get out of our comfort zone and take these 5 risks mentioned here. However, if you wish to enjoy a happy and strong relationship, it is imperative that you take some effort and put your heart on the line to show your wife or your girlfriend how much she means to you.
By taking these risks you will not only improve your romantic relationship with your partner, but you will also develop a better and strong relationship with yourself as it will challenge you to grow and evolve.
Although it may be a bit distressing and scary at first, stepping out of your comfort zone and taking these risks will make your relationship with your partner sturdier and more intimate in the long run.