The ABCs of Escalating Conflict and 7 Tips To Prevent Them

abcs of escalating conflict and prevent them

6) State of the Union Meeting

Having a regular State of the Union Meeting, which involves understanding each other and working together to find a solution, can do wonders for the way that you handle conflict together. When you become proactive about the conflicts and problems within your relationship, these conflicts become less of an overwhelming thing for the two of you to handle.

Sitting down and having a calm discussion before the two of you have become upset, defensive, or escalated equips you both with the ability to handle the conflict in a healthier, more effective, and more clear-headed way.

NOTE: This does not mean that there will be no negativity in the relationship or during the conflict. It means that you both will have an understanding of how to approach the conflict. Little bits of negativity are unavoidable and even healthy, but how you talk and listen during this conflict is what’s important.

7) Get Help

If you find that after trying all of these steps you and your partner are still not able to de-escalate and have helpful and constructive conflict, it’s probably in your relationship’s best interest to reach out for professional help.

I would recommend looking for a therapist from the following Couples Therapist Directories: Gottman Therapists, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapists, PACT Therapists, and Imago Therapists.

“Compatibility doesn’t determine the fate of a marriage, how you deal with the incompatibilities, does.” ― Abhijit Naskar

1. There are also several books that you can look into, including:

  • Hold Me Tight
  • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
  • Reconcilable Differences
  • The High Conflict Couple

2. If you want a more hands-on experience, check out some course that the two of you can participate in, such as:

  • Hold Me Tight Online
  • Our Relationship

Don’t forget, a key way to maintain conflict and keep it from escalating is by taking a time-out. This allows partners to take some time apart and cool down to avoid escalation before returning to continue the conversation.

With love,

Kyle Benson


1. It’s a common belief that people are most honest when they are angry, but I know that isn’t always the case for me, and it probably isn’t for the majority of people. ↩

2. Reconcilable Differences Second Edition: Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love–without Losing Yourself ↩

3. Overall, N. C., Girme, Y., Lemay, E. P., Jr., & Hammond, M. D. (2014). Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: The benefits and coss of inducing guilt in romantic partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106, 235-256 ↩

4. Sometimes it’s not even the words we use, but rather our nonverbal actions or tone of voice. ↩

Written by Kyle Benson
Originally appeared in Kyle Benson
Resolving Conflicts: The ABCs of Escalating Conflict and 7 Tips To Prevent Them
abcs of escalating conflict and prevent them pin
The ABCs of Escalating Conflict and 7 Tips To Prevent Them
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