Scoring Your Love/Conflict Resiliency
Take the following test to measure how resilient your love is during the conflict. There are ten questions. Score your responses from one to five using the formula below:
1 – Right away
2 – Soon
3 – In a short time
4 – Much later
5 – Never
- When you realize that your conflict is harming your partner, how soon do you stop? ___
- If your partner tells you he or she needs to stop fighting, when do you let go of your need to win? ___
- When a conflict is over, how soon do you attempt to resolve what happened? ___
- How long does it take you to be accountable for your own part in the fight? ___
- If you feel that your love for him or her is under fire, when do you tell your partner to stop hurting you? ___
- If you are fearful that you are fighting too much, when do you talk to your partner about your thoughts and feelings? ___
- When do you feel able to tell your partner that the fights are destroying your ability to reconnect the way you used to? ___
- If you know that your emotions are getting out of hand and maybe causing irreparable harm to your partner, when do you get them under control? ___
- During or after a conflict, when can you tell you’re partner that you still love him or her? ___
- During or after a conflict, when can your partner tell you that he or she still loves you? ___
Add up your scores.
1 – 10: Your love is still intact and your partner cares more about you than needing to win.
11 – 20: You are starting to waver in remembering that there is someone on the other end of you who is suffering your anger.
12 – 30: Your conflicts are beginning to get the best of your relationship and are starting to cause more harm than the relationship may ultimately be able to bear.
31 – 40: You’re dangerously close to erasing what devotion you have to each other and it is getting more difficult to find the love you once counted upon.
41 – 50: If you don’t do something about your negative interactions, you will no longer be able to ever love each other the same way again.
All couples disagree at times but conflicts can be productive or destructive.
Learning how to find a common truth through debate and differences can make any relationship more interesting and exciting. But, that is only true if love is strong enough to remain sacred during embattlement.
If intimate partners fail to remember how much they care while they are fighting, they may be unwittingly putting their love resilience in danger. Once they know where they stand, they can renew their commitment to a more harmonious connection.